My Mom And Me

When I was little I was so terrified of my mother because she had a really bad temper.  I feel like her temper was a very destructive force in my life, it affected everything and everyone.  She got mad about everything.  And I mean really mad.  I spent the year of grade 12 running away from home because I couldn't handle it anymore.  I feel incredibly guilty though, because I know she suffers from severe emotional problems and depression.  When she was a kid she had a very abusive father and a dysfunctional family.  I remember when I was really little she used to cry all the time and I couldn't understand why.  She was always unhappy. I thought it was my fault. After my brother passed away she cried all the time again and I was so angry at her for it because she was always sad, or mad at us.  We used to get into ridiculous fist fights when I was still living at home, and there are things I am still working on forgiving her for.  I still feel so guilty because now that I live on my own I keep a lot of distance and I know she is lonely and sad, and unhappy about her life, and I am a contributing factor.  There is so much conflict between us :(