My Mother's 78th Birthday....did She Know What It Was About?

July 1 is my mother's birthday.  This year she turned 78.  Her life is a horror of sorts given that she is being robbed of her faculties by Alzheimer's disease.

I love her, and yet I wasn't there.  I feel sad but I am sure seeing her would have made me sadder.  She lives 700 miles away, and I spend a lot of time trying to make peace with myself for not doing more for her.

My father is still alive so he made many decisions about her care.  The problem is, that given he himself was such an uncaring person his whole life...well...my mom's care is pretty perfunctory at best.

I am half a continent away...when I turned 20 I escaped my parents because I felt so enclosed, unappreicated, unrecognized....the times I allow myself to think about my formative teen years...I realize that I existed...in a kind of fog...since I was helpless to change things.

I realize now that my mom too was in a sort of fog...she too felt closed in and unappreciated...but as a married woman with six children she was more trapped....she could not escape to college and move on with her life....it was precisely her life that was trapping her.

She gave so much...and to know what she is  going through now...it is heartbreaking....

Someday not too far away...she will be wearing angel wings and she will finally have her freedom where her spirit can soar....and she will not be bound by her sick tired body.....

Please tell your mom or whoever you care about how much you love them...and tell them over and over...life is short....things go wrong....don't miss the opportunity to tell someone you love them.

ginger1979 ginger1979
41-45, F
1 Response Jul 3, 2007

Beautiful stories. It is so sad when the child has to become the parent. My Mom told me the night she died that she should have never given birth to me and my sister. By that time, I was able to "take it with a grain of salt" and laugh. But, it still hurt.