I've Been Crying More And More..

I am a 45 year old partially handicapped, arthritic, diabetic overweight woman. I love and adore mybf with all my heart, we've been together for going on 8 yrs, we met thru a dating service and we were totally compatible and had the same values and morals, both no kids, we both love dogs and the outdoors, but the sad thing is I am not at all attracted to him, it was like this the first time we met, I thought it wasn't important or that it would eventually happen, but 7 yrs later it is still the same, he is so good to me and so very helpful, and i would die without him, but i know he has needs that i can never give him, he hasn't pushed in anyway, and the dreams i have about making love and kissing and being with a man are never with him..i feel so guilty!! I am feeling so depressed for him especially, because i feel i am not the right woman for him anymore, and he is such a good man, he deserves an active loving woman who can go fishing and camping and other stuff that i cant anymore...

Another thing is now my sisters basically just told me that i'm being a burden to them, I really couldnt see it, maybe twice a month i would ask for help with grocery buying when my bf couldn't go with me,,and i would usually pay them by cash and by getting them supper or something,,,now all of a sudden they are getting sick of me and now that has put me in a deeper depression and i cant stop crying, the only time i can stop is when i am at the office or when me bf is around, other than that sometimes i'd suddenly cry in the shower or when reading,,even when watching t.v...i am so sad,,i don't have a history of depression,,but it feels like my heart is breaking and i think it is....

Sorry for the long vent,,but i needed to get it out...thank you!!
sylviamay29 sylviamay29
41-45
2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Awww sweetheart... I know how you're feeling. <br />
When my husband and I met I was not disabled, I was able to do so many things, was so active. We were far more compatible than we are now. I love my husband very much, I know he loves me, even when he's being a bone head. We've been married for 26 years. I often feel bad, feel as if I'm not fulfilling his needs, holding him back, because I'm not the girl he married any more. I've changed so much because of my disability. <br />
He never complains, he says he still loves me, even though the outside has definitely changed and our lifestyle has changed. <br />
My friends became scarce soon after my disability set in. Even though I had always been willing to be of help to any of them when they needed me, the first time I needed their help, they said I was 'taking advantage of' them. My sister needed my help a great deal over the years, I have been more fortunate than she financially, so I never minded helping her out, but when I needed her help, again, I was 'taking advantage of' her. <br />
I've shed my fair share of tears over the years, especially lately. I feel so alone, misunderstood, a burden on everyone around me. <br />
<br />
I'm thinking maybe you and I internalize everything. Maybe the problem isn't ours, but the people who are so unwilling to give a little bit of themselves? Maybe we shouldn't worry about the men in our lives, whether they are happy, fulfilled or not? They are adults, wouldn't they tell us if they were unhappy? Maybe we are worrying about things we have no control over?<br />
<br />
Hang in there and take care of you. You're not alone. <br />
(((Hugs))) RWH

i understand u very well,...but so long he is togather with u,,,may be he loves u and happy even like that.,..if he werent he would not have been faithfull to u for 8 years i think....