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How Do You Define Loneliness?

If you asked anyone how they could tell if somebody is lonely they would probably respond by saying that its somebody who lives alone who does not get out much and who finds it hard to fit in. Well I am lonely I have got friends but I'm finding more and more lately that it does not matter its as if I don't fit in to my friends life's anymore its like I'm looking for that something special. I do suffer from depression but its just not down to that Its like feeling empty inside and not knowing why if what I have wrote makes any sense to anybody then your wiser than I am I would just like to wake up one morning and feel complete and have some purpose in my life. 

gelroller gelroller 46-50, M 23 Responses Jul 16, 2010

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I can understand, I too feel like that member of the crew who speaks but no one listens, and if I slowly drift away from the group, they won't even notice. Being hated is better than being ignored, it's the worst feeling ever...

I too feel like I have to wear a mask around everyone, I go to work do my job but none of my work mates truelly know me, on my days off I can sit indoors all day on my own and feel quite content . . . where as others would probably see it as being quite "unhealthy ". I'm not depressed just like/prefer my own company as I find relationships are too complex and too much like hard work lol

I understand exactly what you mean

I 100% agree. I find it is just too much effort sometimes with friendships and relationships, and it is just easier to be alone.

Destined to be alone, I guess :) Hopefully you aren't the same!

I understand... I have about 900 friends on facebook... they know me and I don't know them... maybe I'm stuck up, but I find them to be shallow... people have met me and consider me a friend, they want to be around me but I cannot bear them. I enjoy my own company and feel very happy to be alone, but when I am alone, I am not lonely. I'm sorry that you feel that way, maybe you feel that way because you are trying to not be lonely... are you an introvert? I think loneliness can be highlighted greatly for introverts in crowded places and around big groups...

I actually understand. I was living a different lifestyle some years ago. I was surrounded by all types of people...but I still felt lonely... I felt they didn't know me and they didnt care for me. They where just hang out buddies and acquaintances but not true friends that I felt got me.

I find myself in the same situation as you. It seems I remember many years ago when I was younger that when I was with my friends we connected on a deeply personal level, cared about each others problems and helped figure them out, laughed about things sometimes just to make each other feel better and never wanted to part each others company. I now have a small circle of friends, and though we would never harm each other, it is almost as though they are only my friends because they find me pleasant to be with and am beneficial to help them with their problems and to keep them from being alone. I do not get the feeling that they really care that much about my problems, not even enough to take the time to talk with me in depth about them. It is just a passing, "oh, o.k.", or "how terrible". And even though I guess it is better than being alone, it frustrates me that I do not feel that love and support from them that I need. I think also that sometimes as we get older we find our true priorities reveal themselves and we also see that people who we thought had the same priorities as us really do not.<br />
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I also think that in this messed up world today, it is hard to find comfort from anywhere but the supreme being and then it doesn't mean you will be happy or even have hope that others will change, it just gives you hope that one day you will be in a better place and be happy again.<br />
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I also am looking for a purpose to wake up for everyday and I suffer from depression. I have no family that I interact with and it is hard to get through the day sometimes. There is an old saying that seems to fit--You live in hope if you die in despair.

I know exactly how you feel the days can be long and sometimes very hard to get through if you ever need to talk just message me take care all the best

I find myself in the same situation as you. It seems I remember many years ago when I was younger that when I was with my friends we connected on a deeply personal level, cared about each others problems and helped figure them out, laughed about things sometimes just to make each other feel better and never wanted to part each others company. I now have a small circle of friends, and though we would never harm each other, it is almost as though they are only my friends because they find me pleasant to be with and am beneficial to help them with their problems and to keep them from being alone. I do not get the feeling that they really care that much about my problems, not even enough to take the time to talk with me in depth about them. It is just a passing, "oh, o.k.", or "how terrible". And even though I guess it is better than being alone, it frustrates me that I do not feel that love and support from them that I need. I think also that sometimes as we get older we find our true priorities reveal themselves and we also see that people who we thought had the same priorities as us really do not.<br />
<br />
I also think that in this messed up world today, it is hard to find comfort from anywhere but the supreme being and then it doesn't mean you will be happy or even have hope that others will change, it just gives you hope that one day you will be in a better place and be happy again.<br />
<br />
I also am looking for a purpose to wake up for everyday and I suffer from depression. I have no family that I interact with and it is hard to get through the day sometimes. There is an old saying that seems to fit--You live in hope if you die in despair.

Really sorry you feel that way, hopefully you can find some friends here! Best of luck to you! *hugs*

Thx for your kind words

v4nill4 this is for you. <br />
<br />
I have to begin with what you said in the beginning, you said you were abused from the cradle? so how is it that your family seems perfect? something is not adding up, it seems as though something terrible happened to you at a young age that has really impacted your life and happiness afterward or you have a faulty perception of things. as a med professional you have so many many resources at your fingertips! please use them! i know you feel like **** right now but please please remember that you were put on this earth for a reason as was everyone. each breath that u breathe is a blessing and one that should never be taken for granted. the tears of today will add to your repertoire of memories. you have a place in this world. you are a medical professional, think of all that you are doing for others; without you those people would have not have the care they need. this is the way you must think. the man who said he is not looking for you, well maybe you are not looking for him either. it seems you became too dependent on him and placed your happiness on him but really, only you should be the sole owner of your happiness. reach out, get some help, connect with at least one of your family members, and please please smile! each day, each time you smile you are telling yourself that you have a right to smile, that you are permissing yourself to be happy. that is one of the only things you can do. try meditating and smiling at the same time. simplys sit there, breathe, and smile. if you start out slowly , start feeling better, you will eventually have the strength to seek out more ways to help yourself or let others help you. my deep condolences to your sorrows but as the saying goes "and this too shall pass"... stay well. be happy, never forget to smile lovely!

v4nill4 this is for you. <br />
<br />
I have to begin with what you said in the beginning, you said you were abused from the cradle? so how is it that your family seems perfect? something is not adding up, it seems as though something terrible happened to you at a young age that has really impacted your life and happiness afterward or you have a faulty perception of things. as a med professional you have so many many resources at your fingertips! please use them! i know you feel like **** right now but please please remember that you were put on this earth for a reason as was everyone. each breath that u breathe is a blessing and one that should never be taken for granted. the tears of today will add to your repertoire of memories. you have a place in this world. you are a medical professional, think of all that you are doing for others; without you those people would have not have the care they need. this is the way you must think. the man who said he is not looking for you, well maybe you are not looking for him either. it seems you became too dependent on him and placed your happiness on him but really, only you should be the sole owner of your happiness. reach out, get some help, connect with at least one of your family members, and please please smile! each day, each time you smile you are telling yourself that you have a right to smile, that you are permissing yourself to be happy. that is one of the only things you can do. try meditating and smiling at the same time. simplys sit there, breathe, and smile. if you start out slowly , start feeling better, you will eventually have the strength to seek out more ways to help yourself or let others help you. my deep condolences to your sorrows but as the saying goes "and this too shall pass"... stay well. be happy, never forget to smile lovely!

I feel lonely most of the time not because I dont have people around or such thing , but <br />
because the fact that, i dont find myself interesting in anything. I feel life like so cold and everyone is stupid and selfish . No ones worth meeting I prefer to set at home and watch a movie<br />
rather than communicating with those who lack of understanding or just too normal .

Hi Gel,<br />
<br />
I hope ure in good health..I maybe of a negative aura for you but im really attracted to your post..It somewhat reflects me..Im 24 and ive been depressed since im 12..I never had a normal childhood..ive been abused right from my cradle and right now my life is in a turmoil..I understand how you said that being lonely isnt related to being with a crowd and it is also reflected on the comments of people who wrote in this thread. Im from a family of 5, im the 3rd child..my mother loves me too much, my dad works for us to lead a healthy life, my sister and brother support me and my youngest sister is an angel..sounds like a perfect family to most of us..but i feel sick when im home..i dont belong there..for 12 years ive been trying numerous ways to end my life. I want to stay away fom my family as much as possible..i don't belong anywhere. i have no friends whom i have chemistry with. i feel so alone in this world...the only place i belong to is my bf..i loved a man for almost all my life. and after so many years he tells me im not the one he is looking for...i sometimes feel yes, the love still kept me needed, giving me purpose to move on, but now since everything is over what am i doing here? im a woman of career, im a med professional. this proves that it can happen to anyone. with all these said, here i am lying in my bed crying myself to sleep day in day out...everything that happened to me is playing like a movie in my head..i cant take this anymore..im lonely and severely depressed

Loneliness comes in all kinds of forms! It does not matter if you’re surrounded by people or not you can still be lonely! I’m sorry you feel this way, but I understand 100%! I feel like I have to wear a mask around everyone I can’t let anyone see me or the pain I try so hard to hid! I hope you can find away to get over your feeling and open up to the people in your live. If you can maybe there is hope for me too. ((Hugs))

I have in the past dumped all my friends..You my sweet are having a growth spurt towards who you really want to be, and they are in the way of you making that change possibly? You may be wanting to evolve/change and they may be holding you back, making you feel ashamed of your gained wisdom. Any ways, that is what happened to me. Just nicely let them go, and feel no guilt, it is about your own well being, not making them happy or in your life.

Thanks for your kind comment its much appreciated

I have had times of depression, including a nervous breakdown so i'm no stranger to it. I know how it feels to not want to do anything because nothing seems like fun and its not interesting anymore. But the only way I personally have found a way 'out of the depression' is by doing 2 things. <br />
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#1.....Make yourself do something that you even remotely enjoy. Even if at first you are fighting it every step of the way, like putting together a model plane or going to see a movie that kinda looks interesting. You have to push through it and make yourself do it to reap the benefits. There will not be any great explosion of happiness afterwards but trust me each time you keep doing these things you feel better and better.<br />
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#2....Find someone who is down trodden, who has something really bad going on in their life, recent death of a loved one, homeless person or the like and give to them. You have to get outside of yourself and give to others to create a cause and effect motion in your life and karma. This will get you out of yourself and make you feel good for helping someone else. Trust me, I know how really hard this is when you don't feel like doing anything even less wanting to talk to someone. <br />
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I can guarantee if you do both of those more then once you will begin to feel better. <br />
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Lonliness is so hard. I have been there. I lived alone in a small studio apartment for years and spent many Christmas's sitting there watching TV with no festive dinner, no friends, no family and ya it's lonely , hurts like heck and I even became suicidal over it. <br />
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(((((Gel))))) Hugs. You will get through this lonliness eventhough it seems you wont. :)

Thanks, Gel. I'm interested in so many things, I wish I could have several lifetimes to learn all I want to learn! Sadly, someone's latest recipe for tunafish casserole doesn't do it for me. (Although their recipe for Sambucca/cornmeal barbecued tuna steaks on the beach would certainly grab my attention!) Chuckle!

Nothing wrong with that at all I would not consider that to be arrogant

I spend a lot of time alone because of my work, without ever feeling lonely. But when I feel lonely, if is for people with whom I can really communicate. I know lots of wonderful people, but - and I know this sounds arrogant though I don't mean to be - I like to be with people with original ideas, people with well-reasoned opinions, people who can discuss without argument, who can challenge me, stimulate me and inspire me, and who are interested in my ideas as well. I guess everyone likes to have a few "kindred spirits".

A person can be lonely in a room full of people. Your story makes complete sense. I usually have a house full of people because I have so much family, but I get lost and wonder who I AM. I am a person never able to fully be myself because somebody always needs me to be what they need. That's a story I should write. Maybe I will. Thanks for your story. It has made me stop and think "Hey What about me?? lol hope your day is greatly blessed.

Your right! You can feel lonely in a room full of people. I'm reading some of these stories and realize that l'm just like you everyone first and I get put aside. Time to figure that out but where to start?

Perhaps loneliness comes from the idea that we have to have a love interest in our lives and without this, we are not whole people? Of course having a person that loves us totally for who we are helps feelings of loneliness but many people can be alone and happy and content. Accepting ourselves for who we are brings peace of mind. <br />
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What you seem to be searching for, Gelroller is a sense of purpose. Why are you here on this earth? We live our lives learning lessons along the way. Asking why is the first step towards finding out why? Many people never get this far and just go along meandering through life. Ask yourself what it is that you enjoy in life and focus on this. Have gratitude for the little things that brighten up your days. Practice random acts of kindness to others and you will find yourself feeling better even if this is only by giving a person a smile and a compliment. Isolation will only bring more negative feelings to you. Peace,D.

As for me, I am already isolating myself and it is indeed giving me off a negative feelings!...v.v

agree almost completely with magdasoni but without the person to love and who loves u the person always will be lonely..-i think

Loneliness is not when you are alone but when you feel alone. I can be surrounded by people and feel lonely but I can be alone with a book in my hand and be the most fullfilled person alive because that way I can be me. I think loneliness is a question of perception mostly. If you don't fit in, you feel lonely. If you have to wear a mask for those around you to accept you, because you are different, because you feel different, you feel lonely. I feel lonely most of the time and there were moments when I asked myself why. I think now I understand that the effort I make to be as everybody else in a crowd of people wears me out. I think the solution to cure loneliness is not to try to fit in in a world you don't belong to, but to fill up , the emptiness you feel inside, to find that special something in as many as possible things you do.

I am sorry you feel that way. There are internal and external reasons for feeling lonely. Do you feel lonely for a recent situation you have gone through? It's seems you feel lonely but you are not actually alone. <br />
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I recommend you reading Viktor Frankl and finding your mission in life. Change your daily routine.<br />
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And..cheer up, please!