I can't find anyone. I haven't had a date in almost a year. I have no idea how to meet people. I have no idea how to speak to people. Things are really hard and it would be nice to find someone who would make it seem less so. I sleep wrapped up in my sheets because I don't like being alone when I sleep. The bundles of fabric underneath me remind and hint at the feel of someone spooning me but not really. My pillow smelled like my ex's house for a while and until I washed the case her shampoo as well. I miss the scent of her hair and it pains me when I remember how happy we were. She lost that spark for me, left me, and I very nearly drowned myself in alcohol. Up until about a month ago I hadn't been sober a whole day for two years or so. She's partially why.
I try my best to have hope that I will find someone but I get frustrated because I don't have the time since I'm trying to find a job. I hadn't even given it much thought until I was unemployed that first week. Losing my job and my couch to sleep on made me very depressed. Sex is a distant memory and flirting is a lost art again. That's assuming I'd find a girl who'd want to be with me but no such luck. I'm a freak, that's okay though. I'm almost used to the loneliness, I've slowly lost all of my friends, I've lost all chance for romance. There's that one bit in my heart that tells me not to give up hope, it keeps shoving the bitterness away, but the more I think about it the quieter that voice sounds in contrast to the deafening silence around me. I mean I'm 23, I'm not old, I'm apparently not that ugly however guys on here are not a fair indicator. I'm young and i have time, I just wish I didn't feel so alone. I wish I had a person who'd hold me, that'd be nice right now, but I've got to keep my lip stiff and keep my trap shut. No one like a whiner...
GnatFree GnatFree
26-30, F
23 Responses Sep 28, 2010

Dude, nice to see another freak still stays on EP. :D you're 29 now. should have given me a birthday party invitation.

Actually I'm 28. And I didn't want a birthday party. I just had a nice quiet meal at home.

Eh you're just a year older than me.. Well, basically i hate my own birthday so i wait for others birthday. Still lucky you.. as i'd have eaten your meal provided you're not attracted to living raw foods. :D

You can whine here but better not in front of possible new friends. A true friend is there for you no matter what and you can show your feelings. I'm hoping that you find one and a new love in your life. Have you ever tried dating sites?

This post is five years old. I'm doing better.

I'm glad that your doing better. No one deserves to be alone.

You're always welcome to chat with me :-)

Well, alcohol feels like love doesn't it?

Hell no. But it dulls my overactive mind a bit.

I know it's an old post and I hope things are looking brighter for you ... I'm sure your ms Right is out there somewhere ... You two just haven't met yet

Just found your story. It seems you have found your footing. The best way to find someone is to stop looking.


Don't be sad *hugs* my name timmy

these stories are from a pretty long time ago i was wondering are you still lonely these days

sometimes, but I\'ve come to realize that the only person who can make yourself happy is you.

You need someone with whom your depth resonates.

agreed, but this is three years old. I've moved on since then. Single, but to be honest I'm not really looking. I'm trying to get my own life on track.

My wife and i split years ago and then I changed my mind months later. I pursued her but she was very unsure and told me she needed 'space' - which made me panic a little, to be honest. In the end, realising I would only drive her away, I got on a plane and travelled with work until i was comfortable with who I was alone. After I began to find that space things changed. She wanted to be with me and we still love nothing better than to be together (along with the irony that I still travel too much.)

We all have to find what works for ourselves. I'm glad you didn't end up losing her completely and I wish you the best.

It's probably better to find them when you aren't really looking.

1 More Response

Hi GnatFree. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to find a partner who wants to be with someone with your background. Are there any online sites where you can be honest about who you are that can help match you up with someone? Based on the comments I've seen you leave, you are intelligent and insightful. I'm sure there's someone out there for you. It just sucks how hard it is to find her. Don't lose hope.

This is sad...brought tears to my eyes. I know the pain all too well...

I can't tell you how much I relate to your story. I hope things are going better for you now. Message me anytime if you want to chat.

i dont have any idea how to speak to people either it seems that they are interested in certain types of personalities but you know every one is different and we are not the people that society expects - they like to put pressure on people who are single and choose to remain single - there is all kinds of pressures that society will put on you - you just have to learn to deal with it and live your life the best way you know how and eventually the time will come for you when someone unexpectedly walks in your life so just take your time and be patient and enjoy life until then

I recognise a lot of this. How've things been since you wrote it?

You should see the movie or read the book 'The Secret'... now I realize that many will not look past the part about bringing money into your life but the message is much, much bigger and has literally changed my understanding of life and how it all works. Once you understand that you're at the mercy of whatever enters your mind until you learn to take control of IT you can then change the habit of how you think and thus change your whole life. It's all about point of view. That's simplistic sounding, I know, but it's the doorway to universal understanding and creation itself. The book/movie itself isn't the answer but as I went about the business of verifying what they had to say a great truth emerged and I am AT LAST learning how to find happiness within. (makes my relationships with others better too)

i am happy you coming out. i can just be with you to hear what you say and accept you. your flow of thought is good and keep writing.

Okay, I my last name is Weiner (pronounced Whiner) so I am a Weiner every day! I am 62 and going through a divorce after 40 years of marriage, I haven't had sex in about 2 years, and before that, 14 years! I am not quite ready, but I think that I eventually, I too will be looking for a girl who will want to be with me, but at my age, and after what happened - very doubtful!<br />
Do you think that you might have a problem with alcohol? I only ask, because after 40 years as an active alcoholic and drug addict, for the past 3 years I have been clean and sobah (there's that Boston accent again) in AA - only asking that is all!<br />
WTF do you care about how beautiful or not that guys on EP or anywhere think you are! The only thing that matters is how YOU think about yourself! <br />
You want someone to talk to? Talk to me! I have no ulterior motives and I guarantee that you cannot offend me! You need to start talking, and it might be easier to do with on EP with an old geezer like me! I might be able to help you a bit, and I would sure like to try! I will not bother you again. It is solely up to you! Whatever you chose, I wish you well...

you are not alone

you need to contact a local mental health association / foundation. You are suffering from grief and loss, plus depression. Now is not the time to shut your mouth, you need to speak up for yourself. It is in no way being a whiner.<br />
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As for meeting people, volunteer at something you like, a museum, the SPCA, the local LBGT group, something you know and like, that way you'll instantly have a connection with the people there.<br />
<br />
You are young, you have plenty of time, don't despair, life will get better.

it's completely creepy how similar we are...

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm going through a similar phase in my life unfortunately. In my case it's hard for me to make it known to someone how I feel about them, let alone tell them that I'm attracted to them. I find it hard to make friends even though I'm always told I can get along with people fairly well. I also haven't dated in about a year. It's like ever since the girl I loved left my life I've been a zombie. It's as if a piece of me died when I lost her. I no longer feel desirable and attractive. But I still strive to move forward and try my best to accept who I am. Put down your drink and look at yourself in the mirror and look at what makes you beautiful. Find your inner peace. Sometimes we need to fall in love with ourselves to find what we're missing. You're such a beautiful girl and I'm sure you have a great heart. I'm sure you're filled with great qualities. Don't be so hard on yourself. Always remember that motion creates emotion!

First of all, I think you're quite cute, so screw those who feel otherwise. But most import, it should NEVER matter what others think of you. What makes others a better judge than your own self? Who gave others this special power to decide who is pretty, nice, personable, cute, ugly, etc... Sweety, you hit the nail on the head, you are only 23 and have your whole life ahead of you. And while I am not the type to tell others that they're advice is "wrong", I do believe that before you look into any pay dating site orr any other dating site, you probably should get a little boost of self confidence. And they call it "self" confidence for a reason, you kinda have to "re" find yourself. Sounds harder than it really is. Firstly, you really gottta lay off the binge drinking, nobody can think straight and make the right decisions under a constant haze. Also, alcohol )among other things), has those damn depressing affects and seems to always bring up both REALLY bad and REALLY good memories - about people we shouldn;t be thinking about in the first place. Secondly, after the alocohol haze disipates, you will automatically begin th=o think clearly and be better able to land a job, get a couch that smells like YOUR shampoo and YOUR pasta that you spilled on it the night before. It's really the proverbial snowball effect, after the haze, get a new job, (a nicer smelling couch :) - Then, maybe meeting someone new - and even if not, at least the lonliness will naturally disappear... try it, sweety - you're young, pretty and have so much ahead of you. Good luck and much luv !!!!!!!

Hi Gnatfree,<br />
<br />
I just chanced on your story. So sorry to hear you feeling low and I understand how you feel when you say "I've got to keep my lip stiff and keep my trap shut. No one like a whiner..." but it's not easy, I know I've been there too. Loneliness is a horrid disease .<br />
<br />
My solution was to write myself a good profile and use something like match or datingdirect. It worked for me as I'm with a fantastic woman and we plan to be married in a couple of years.<br />
<br />
The reason I say use a pay dating site is the people are more serious about what they want but there are also plenty of sharks out there who just want to take advantage if people who are vulnerable and feeing low. Choose wisely and take wise council were you can<br />
<br />
I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future.<br />
<br />
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