Here I am , sitting again in our office! Listening to my boss's songs played at her pc. Its a classical song, and its just remind me of some emotions that I barely hold it. I wanna cry right now, but I couldn't. My emotion is so mixed up. I feel sadness earlier, then became happy just by an invitation from my mother inlaw to sleep over at their house, and then I find myself sad again after the visit of my bossess daughter and grandson together with her boyfriend. I just felt how useless I am. Some other people, will start off playing with the litttle boy and start a conversation lightly. I feel so low. I cant really totally understand this feeling inside. Sometimes, it is so tiresome feeling this way. Everything is getting mixed up! I am so useless. What else I can do?! If ever I am going to rate a 100% between my sadness and happiness in each day, I could rate it 90% sadness and 10% happiness! I cant take this feeling anymore. I dont like it! Wanna spend the day out with many people but I couldn't. Please God, take me, take me! I might be useless this whole year that I am supposed to live. Maybe, yeah, I want to escape from this life and I am coward but I couldnt take putting other people to this miserable thinking I have!