Sad To Glad

Today I'm feeling a bit sad and googled "sad and lonely" and got here. I read a few captions on the front page and remembered my past -- I used to suffer from chronic depression. I was pretty much addicted to it. So, I just want to share a bit, and maybe it will help someone. Problem 1 -- I've got a pretty well-developed creative side and it's easy for me to imagine fantastic utopian societies where every day is a wonder. In the past, in order to sustain this illusion, I had to live in denial as a paranoid megalomaniac, some days avoiding people all together. Eventually, I became homeless and lived in a car for 3 years. I'd drink coffee and eat sugar all day and this gave me a rush to counter-balance depression. Solution 1 -- It's better to manage expectations. I had to train myself with God's help to expect the best and prepare for the worst. I'm not fully recovered in this area, but God has given me a job that I don't have to deal with people. Problem 2 -- Loneliness. I had friends, and was able to cover up living in a car quite well. But I was still lonely. I wanted a wife. I'd grown up in a home that was emotionally violent at times, and had no idea what marriage meant. God showed me that marriage is about giving yourself up 100% for another. He showed me through example, when I'd been working for a husband and wife team. They had a good marriage, even though both of them were very strong-willed. One day, the wife mistreated me. When I called her on it, there was a big emotional fight. The next day, the husband said "we have to let you go", and then he said "I'm sorry for what I did to you the other day," apologizing for the wife's treatment of me. Solution 2 -- He took responsibility for her actions, even though she was in the wrong. He sacrificed his strong will for the benefit of their relationship. Then I knew what it meant to be a husband, which is sacrifice. The next day I met the woman who was to be my wife online and we were married about a year later. We have 2 kids. Problem 3 -- Lack of quality sleep. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, right? So why do we do it to ourselves? We might embroil ourselves in our work late at night, or have ambitious dreams we work on, or we just seem to need to watch hours of tv before bed. Going to bed with your mind spinning 100 mph, and your eyes reeling from stimulation by the tv is not going to get you good sleep. When you sleep, you manufacture chemicals and stuff that makes you happy throughout the day. If you don't manufacture them, then you end up eating sugar and drinking coffee to counter-act. You feel crappy at the end of the day, like you barely made it through, and to unwind, you watch tv all night. Solution 3 -- I'm still working on this one. Well, I hope this helps someone. God bless you.
jetspice jetspice
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

I hope you can find a way to sleep well and make those chemicals.. I had been lacking that so many years I formed Fibromyalgia and I never sleep deeply enough to make serotonin. So now I deal with debilitating pain on top of the depression. I get lonely and spend time with the TV and computer also. I think the technology really effects our bodies; we weren't made to stare at the "sun" all day and night then need to supplement with the sugar and coffee to make it through. Peace be with you my friend..