Friendships Never Last...

It's hard for me to get close to people because I've been hurt a lot. Trusting is hard. I see others meeting people and achieving this nearly instant closeness. My two roommates moved in a few months ago. They are now best friends, and I hardly know them. They're nice but we just don't have much in common. I feel so jealous and hurt and sad when I see people with their close friends, sharing this connection that I've rarely had, that never lasts.

I've had close friends in my life, and even groups where I've felt I belonged. But it never lasts. Things fall apart so easily. I've been hurt and betrayed a lot, because I used to be quick to trust. Sometimes I still get fooled by people who only pretended to be my friend. It's not always so dramatic though. People move across the country or the world. I've moved a few times. People change. They drift apart.

It seems like everyone else in the world has these amazing relationships with close friends they've had since childhood, or for many years. They speak this language that I don't, one that lets them connect with people and attract friends, and keep them. People who will hug them when they're sad, people they can call in the middle of the night and talk to about anything, sometimes even when they're far apart. People who know how special they are, who know how flawed they are, and don't mind.

I'm not even really close to my family. The only person I can talk to is my partner, and I'm afraid if I keep feeling sad all the time because I don't have any real friends, he'll get fed up and leave me too...
notantisocialjustshy notantisocialjustshy
26-30, F
Dec 5, 2012