My Life Since 2009

I am never happy, I have had so many things that I am loosing.
I hate everything about myself, my life, every single thing.
I am lonely all the time, I am living alone, my best friends from back home we barely talk and even if we do I am starting to feel a little weird, as things they talk about are not very interesting, but I love them so much. I have no one and I lost everything I liked. My life has been like hell for the past couple of years I am never happy, and i can't talk to people because I don't want to make them sad it is not their fault. People are getting used to me being sad, even though I laugh with them and stuff. From 2009 I had every bad thing possible, from eating disorder to loosing half of my hair. I remember on late 2011 beg 2012 I was a bit confidant I liked my hair, how I look. I was beautiful that when I look at the pictures I cry that I don't look like that anymore. Yet still had eating disorder and used to cry whenever someone noticed I gained weight. My hair fell and it looks soo bad, I always tie it :( My body got ruined and I never was satisfied with it I was 32 kilos, but now when I look at myself at late 2011 beg 2012 I like my body there when I was 45-47 but it is too late. My nutritionist discovered a bacteria that takes more calories from food than a normal person :'( now even my body got ruined I am 18 and people think I am 20 something. I don't recognize myself anymore. I never had a low self esteem, but I am very hypersensitive once my friend asked me if I am obese? in UNIVERSITY! I weigh 59 now but it is not my choice I have more than 7 pills per day :( I am sick of that sometimes I have my Anorexia thinking, it tortures me. I don't look obese at all!

I am always busy with university, my eating habits are bad, my sleeping got ruined as well, I don't have time to do anything. Uni is very hard.

My life is a mess,I try to be nice to people but all I get is SH*T.
If I keep going I will never finish, this is nothing compared to other things.
LastofMe LastofMe
18-21
Dec 5, 2012