Sad And Lonely On Christmas

It is that time of year again. Yes, when family and friends get together, share in the festive spirit. Excited over presents, and spending time together, looking forward to parties and BBQ's and singing by the tree.

I've never had that.

Being an extremely lonely person, with literally no friends to hang out with, and the very tiny bit of family I have left, don't celebrate Christmas. I am not religious, but I have always wanted to feel a part of something around this time. A walk on the street alone, and I see people sitting on the balconies of their houses, with Christmas lights, and spirit. All talking, laughing and having a lovely time, getting into the feel of the celebration. I see people in shopping malls filling their carts with presents, and decorations. People hanging out in groups for a night out on the town, celebrating in their own ways together. I feel so much of the spirit around me, I sense and see so much celebration and sometimes it makes me feel like literally jumping into some strangers group and wanting to be a part of it.

I imagine big families get together, sleep over at their houses and gather together on Christmas eve for dinner, maybe watch a Christmas movie together, and open their presents all together on Christmas day. How I wish I could be a part of something like that just once.

All the events of the years, Birthdays, Valentines day, Christmas, New Year, Easter etc... All makes me feel this way. It's already bad enough on normal days, but at these times, you are truly reminded of how alone you really are, and the rest of the time you are trying to get through each day and bury the emotions of the sadness of your miserable life, but then Christmas comes, or New year, or Valentines, or something... and you fail to push your sadness deep down like you usually do, because everything around you at these times, are reminders of your sad and lonely reality.
ForestRain ForestRain
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

i also feel like that too. sometimes when i see my family and relatives get together, i want to feel happy, but that feeling doesn't come to me.

i am fully relating to your post and am sorry you feel the way i do too x

Thank you.