I've Been Feeling Pretty Down Lately And I Need Somebody To Talk To.

Christmas time always puts me in an awkward spot. First let me introduce myself so you can get an idea of "why"...
I am 19 years old and I am engaged to a 22 year old. Together we have a daughter who is almost 18 months old and she is the joy of our lives. Currently I am a stay at home Mom/ Full Time student if that makes any sense? I am only in school 3 days a week but I am taking a ton of credits which technically considers me full-time. My Fiance is an auto mechanic and works a crazy number of hours (about 50-60 hours per week).

I have a Mother, Father, Twin sister, Brother, and Older Sister. Why I capitalized their relations to me....I couldn't tell you? Anyway, most families thrive off Christmas and buying each other gifts and letting each other know how much one another means to them etc. My family is a little bit odd though. Everything is always a competition with everyone else! Not to mention it is December 15th and my parents do not even have a Christmas tree up or the slightest bit of a decoration in the house! I would help them but they are never grateful for the help I offer and their tree is packed away in a storage until filled with junk and it is all too much of a head ache for me to even consider doing!

My Mother just underwent a very big surgery about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. She is a recovering patient from a heart attack she had about a year 1/2 ago. She had a huge mass in her uterus that was non-cancerous...it's actually called a Fibroid. It was about the size of a newborn baby if you can even believe that? Why she let it get that big before she went to the doctor beats me!? We all just thought that her belly was kind of getting big because she was getting older and had 4 children and isn't the most active of people...we never really judged her for it though. That's just who my Mom is and that's how we knew her. Well she started getting really bad pains in her uterus and finally went to the doctor which ironically her OB/GYN is the same doctor that delivered my daughter. So Dr. Tate the doctor that performed my C-Section was evaluating the health of my Mom which is kind of scary to evaluate in all seriousness. My Mother smokes like a chimney, she has had a heart attack, she is under an incredible amount of stress all the time, she does not exercise, she does not eat healthy, etc. So, needless to say Dr. Tate told my mother that she didn't feel comfortable performing the surgery because my Mother has high blood pressure and she was afraid with taking my Mom off the medicine to thin her blood before the surgery that there still would be a high risk of my mother bleeding out while on the operating table.

So instead of Dr. Tate doing the surgery she had a more experienced specialist perform the surgery. This was all planned to the T too. All of my family knew what was going on and we were all very well prepared for it. Well, my Mother lives in a filthy house with my Dad, my twin sister who is also 19 and my little brother who is 12. Their house is best described as gross. They smoke so many cigarettes in that house that the walls are painted yellow, there is cat hair galore in chunks, there are cob webs in every corner of every ceiling, the black and white tiles throughout the kitchen may as well be known as black and brown. There are collected piles of **** everywhere that are so pointless it is unreal. For example my Dad collects Japanese swords, bow and arrows, hats, golf clubs, frisby golf clubs...you name it he collects it.

To be a nice daughter I decided to come over to my Mothers house a few days before her surgery and clean it and make room for her to comfortably be able to relax during the day. I cleaned out the fridge and went grocery shopping with my Dad to fill up the house with things for all of them during the week. I cleaned the bathroom which was just awful and I did a load of towels. I went to the store and bought my Mom a nice pair of soft scrubs and some around the house lazy guy T Shirts and some slippers because I know how bad an incision like that is and how much pain it causes. So I was trying to get my Mom as prepared as I possibly could without freaking her out about it at the same time. I stayed with her and hung out as much as I could the days following up to her surgery because Dr. Tate made it very clear that there was a high chance she would not make it through the surgery.

Keep in mind while I am busting my *** (and yes I am a stay at home Mom/ student so I do have some extra time) to take care of my Mother my older sister has not done **** for her! She has not came over to visit. She hasn't asked if she needs anything or offered to take her out to lunch or gone over to my parents house for dinner. She didn't go to the hospital when my Mom was in surgery. She did not call my Mom when she got out of surgery and was awake enough to talk! None of that!!! My twin sister was basically the same way! At the time she was not working or in college and she is not a Mom. So basically all she does all day long is sit on her lazy *** and watch Netflix and smoke cigarette after cigarette. She pays for NOTHING. My parents pay her phone bill, pay for her cigarettes, pay for the house she lives in etc. It would be one thing if she was a student and they were supporting her but she does NOTHING all day long. The least she could have done was help clean and make the house ready for when my Mom got home or helped take my little brother to and from his sports and activities or prepared food to put in the freezer so they would be stocked up on meals. Oh no, it was all about her and how she wanted to go party and hang out with friends. So dumb.

So after my Mom's surgery I kept very close tabs on how she was doing. The hospital she had her surgery in was fairly far away from our home (2 hours on a good day) so I couldn't exactly afford to drive up there and back every day. My Dad took a significant amount of leave from his work to try to help her and make sure she is doing okay and so I often visited with him and he would come pick my daughter and I up during the day and we would drive up to see my Mom. My twin sister had yet to go visit her and my older sister had not called or visited her at all!!!!

My Mom started to have some serious complications while she was in the hospital. She had too much stomach bile and could not keep any food down. Her potassium levels were extremely low and her bowels seemed to be stuck and she couldn't use the bathroom or seem to keep any food down. She literally went a week without eating and living off of sugar water until they could get her stomach bile low enough to give her bagged nutrition through an I.V. Although her condition was this serious my sisters still did not come to visit her.

Not until my twin sister wanted to borrow my Mom's van to drive to Baltimore and she also wanted my Mom to pay to have the gas tank filled up and pay for my sisters food did she drive up to the hospital to visit my Mom. 5 minutes within walking in the hospital room's door she was already asking my Mom for money for this and that. I couldn't even believe how rude and inconsiderate she was for doing that.

My older sister who is 25....her excuse for why she didn't want to visit my Mom was because my Mom was unhealthy and she didn't like feeling bad for somebody that wasn't properly taking care of themselves. Um newsflash Maggie (older sister) you smoke like a chimney, you snort cocaine, you take pain killers and you are severely anorexic...it's no wonder you are even alive!? I wanted to tell my older sister, so if you had a child and you were in the condition that Mom is would it be okay with you if they decided not to come and see you because you don't properly take care of YOURSELF?!?! I was so angered by her statement. Not to mention my Mom had a mass removed and a hysterectomy it's not like she had lung cancer or throat cancer from smoking. The doctor even said that her heart attack she had was probably from all of the blood going to this huge mass in her uterus instead of going to her heart and lungs......but Maggie stood by the foolish statement she made and still didn't go to visit my Mom.

So FINALLY about 2 weeks after my Mom had her surgery instead of her going home 4 days after her surgery she was released the day before Thanksgiving. We all went to my Mothers parents house for a Thanksgiving dinner and of course Maggie and her stupid boyfriend Dave (which is a whole other story in itself) they are trying to act all caring and considerate of my Mom's pain and all that she has been through. Yet they wanted nothing to do with her the whole time she was in the hospital! It was so unbelievable. They put this big show on for my Dad to act like they were really all caring and the saddest part is people actually bought it. My sisters other excuse for why she didn't come and visit my Mom is because she was busy being a step mom (which she is only a step Mom on the weekends) and because she was working (which she works at a bank and she gets off at a decent enough time to go visit my Mom). So pathetic.

So my Mom is still feeling miserable and me BEING A KIND person am taking care of her only because 1. she is my Mom and 2. I know how much it sucks to have an incision like that and how much help it requires. I guess people aren't sensitive to other people's needs until they experience things themselves. It makes no sense to me. When I had my C-section my Mom had that entire summer off (because she is a teacher) and she never came over to my apartment to help me while my Fiance was gone at work for 12 hours a day. She never asked me if I needed anything or came over to do my laundry or go grocery shopping for me. Now that she sees how hard it is to cope with a big surgery like that I think she feels like **** for underestimating how rough something like that is!!! Not to mention I was sleep deprived and dealing with a newborn literally ALL by myself for the first time because my Fiance had to get sleep at night after a long day of work. Finally my Mother in Law stepped in to help me and she has no idea how thankful I am for her doing that!!!!

So now it is December 15th and my Mom I still doing ******. She got out of the hospital and then had an allergic reaction to aspirin for some reason and her arms and feet broke out. She has cellulitis (I think that is correct spelling) so her foot is swelled up to like 4 times its size and her skin is cracking and oozing nasty **** out of it. She can barely walk so I went out and got her a pair of crutches and she is on an IV antibiotic treatment at her doctor's office which takes like 4 hours and I've been the one taking her back and forth to get that done and my dad has been taking her to get the night time treatments done. YET my Older sister had no ******* clue what was going on with my Mom until I put something about it on facebook and she suddenly messaged me wanting to know what is going on (yet all she did was say OK after that) and she hasn't been over to help or any of that since I told her.

My twin sister who recently got a 'job' so she says....I have yet to see her in a uniform or get out of bed before 11:00 a.m. when I go over to help my Mom in the mornings and when I drive her back. But anyway my sister is still not helping my Mom out! She is out partying or doing people's tattoos for them which she isn't even licensed to do that. The saddest thing is almost every morning she comes downstairs to say Hi to my Mom and ask her for 20.00 and then she goes back upstairs to whatever the hell it was she was doing.

Same thing with my 12 year old brother. He is not helpful either. He won't even do his own laundry for crying out loud and instead of coming home from school and spending all of 30 minutes doing some chores around the house he either goes straight upstairs to drown his mind in video games or he goes outside to skateboard and that's about it.

So really the only people that have actually been of help through all of this is my Dad and I. It makes me so mad that children could not even care to help their Mother like that!? I just don't understand. My Mom raised us all the same so what the **** happened to my siblings to make them so selfish and inconsiderate.

It makes me so angry and what makes me even more mad is that my Mom always expects the help from ME! She never asks any of her other children to step up to the plate and act like they are a part of the family. The only time they ever are involved is if they WANT something! I am not doing all of this for brownie points or to be the favorite or any of that ****. I'm doing this because my Mother is in a time in her life where she desperately needs help even if that help consists of just sitting next to her and talking to her! She is loanly and sad and is losing hope because she isn't getting better and her kids aren't giving the time of day for her!

Maybe I am so caring because I am young and have a child and know what it is like to have a kid and look back on your life and it makes you thankful for all that your Mother did for you. I guess a lot of people don't realize that until they have a child. When I realized it I was a hysterical mess. I just though of all of the sacrifices that my Mother made so her children could have a better life. I thought about how much love and pain it take to be pregnant and have a child and all of the sleepless nights that feel like you aren't being rewarded until your child grins at you for the first time. When all of that hits you it hits you hard! I just can't believe how selfish my 2 sisters are being and how they put on a show when they are infront of all of our family! I can understand my brother a little bit because he is a 12 year old boy in middle school and he doesn't know what it is like to be a woman obviously. Nor does he know the seriousness of her surgery or the healing process so I don't expect him to be that helpful or understanding of the situation. But my sisters....god I could do some horrible things to them right no to make them feel like **** for what they are doing! I know my Mom is sad as hell and I can't fill that void! I'm not all of her children and I know she feels betrayed and lost because her one daughter that lives with her in the same house is barely even there and has no time of day for her and her other daughter that lives in the same city never comes to visit her or cheer her up! What a shame!

It makes me so mad I don't even want to go to my parents for Christmas Eve because I could go crazy on my sisters but I will just to make my Mom and Dad happy.
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I am sorry that nobody wished you a happy birthday. Happy Birthday? Thank you for reading.

wow you wrote a lot there. A+ on that. Maybe you should go the extra mile and make this Christmas extra special??? My family doesn't celebrate Christmas.... or anything for that matter. So trust me at least you have a large family with siblings. I have very few people in my life. Like a couple of days ago it was my 23rd birthday and literally no one wished me happy birthday on facebook. Not a single person. That hurt. So take it from me, you're luckier than you think. Hope this helps.

Thank you. That means the world to me that you listened.

You really touched me, I can't tell you how much. Most younger people
would've been just like your sisters, only caring when they wanted some-
thing. You loved your mother enough to do everything you could to help.
If there was an award for this sort of thing, I would give it to you with all
the praise that goes with it. You are amazing!!

You are beyond your years. God will bless you for your caring heart and diligence.
It is warming to know there are young people like you out there. And maybe you
will be an example to your brothers and sisters. It will catch up with them in the
long run. Keep doing what you're doing, darling!