Sometimes.

I'm sad. But not always lonely. But right now i am. My fiancé and I have been together nearly 3 1/2 years, one child together. Hes my best friend and I can tell him anything. We are incredibly close, like nothing I've experienced. Things are amazing with us really. I love him dearly. But sometimes.... Sometimes his way of handling problems between us really hurts. It just hurts. When he does something that upsets me, he never means to. But it happens, I get hurt, I try to tell him I'm hurt, explain why, etc. But he doesn't like to hear that he's hurt me somehow. It makes him feel bad and he doesn't know how to handle or deal with hearing hey you hurt me... So for a little while, he just tunes me out. He does this thing, crosses arms, closes eyes, or won't look at me when I talk, and will not speak. Tonight I needed to talk, my dad is dying and I have alot if stuff going on and he knows this, and neither of us get much sleep cuz the baby, and I tried to talk to him, he wasn't listening and it was starting to hurt me, I kept trying, he still wouldn't really listen. Wasn't looking at me. So I got up and was like alright well next time you need me I knownhownim gonna act... And he got pissed and followed me and said I'm going to bed. He always says good night and kisses me, three years and never forgot to do it but didnt do it tonight. Well I followed him and tried to just talk to him about why I snapped and he wouldn't listen still. All he said was, sorry I didn't try harder. That made me feel like crap cuz I don't needto hear what I knows to be true .... I wanted to ex.plain what I needed, what I I didn't get, snd why that hurt me. But he closed his eyes, crossed his arms turned me out, then I said you in,y apologized to shut me up, and he yelled, yeah you're right, so leave me alone. Well I went off. I basically just said I'm sorry that my dad dying inconveniences you so. I'm sorry that my problems and worries don't stop when I lie down to sleep at night. I'm sorry that right now, there's no end in sight to my problems. He said that's not what I said you are to me, I didnt say you inconvenience me. I said, well, you don't have to say it! You're actions, wheat you're doing now, acting like you're tired of being there, tired of listening to me, tired of being my shoulder to lean on... That says it! That shows it! Now I'm in our bed and he's downstairs, snoring, and I can't sleep. I don't have any friends here, I moved out of my home town and I don't know anyone here and have no one but him to lean on and I really feel like he's tired of being my go to when I need support, advice, to talk, to vent, to cry, etc. But I don't understand, I'd gladly be there for him, every second of the day, and I want someone willing to do the same...
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013