Why I Am So Alone and Confused

i don't even know why i'm doing this. what do i hope to acheive? i am 22, i dropped out of college with 3 semesters to go because i am simply NOT SMART ENOUGH. i am actually paying back a $3,000 student loan for nights in tears and almost cutting myself again. i have no friends, i haven't since i was in middle school. the only person i can talk to is my mother, and she understands about as much as a drunk goldfish. i suck. i am alone and lonely and no one is there for me. i will never be adult, responsible, happy, all the things i wanted to be. i have long since given up on being happy in my life. i cant even count the number of times i have wanted so badly just to give up and start over. life shouldn't be this hard. this is ****** up. and all it is is more and more, and i can't ******* deal with it. i am just so alone, and so far gone. what am i going to do with what remains of my life? i'm not good enough for anything or anyone, and this is my life. this is what i'm destined to live for the next goddess-knows how many years. and even here, now, i am typing up a pathetic little paragraph about how bad my life is, knowing full well no one will ever read it, and even if they do, i probably won't get it, although that's a blessing becauase yall think i'm insane probably. oh **** this, i'm going to bed. forget i said anyhting. 


i have so much. inside, that is worth people knowing, and me knowing them. but it'll never come out. i'm trapped, inside myself.  i am my own cage. Ha!

wanderingone wanderingone
16 Responses Oct 17, 2008

don't listen to all of these fakes below me. i am the only real person alive in this world, the rest are simulations. I am here to tell you that you should simply become a cartoonist...that is what one must do when life fails them.

I live in brazil... :) você achou que ninguém iria ler seu texto. Mas veja só, estou aqui no brasil lendo. Compartilho de seus problemas, já tive muitos problemas na minha vida, sou sozinho, não tenho amigos, não tenho um amor mas me divirto sempre que posso. Quero lhe dizer que você precisa ter sonhos e objetivos na vida e então corra até eles, não se importando com as pedras no caminho. Nada será facil, mas somos capazes de coisas grandiosas, todos nós. Beijos.

you're so courageous... you're able to make self-assessments and declare your feelings, and reach out to the world. i hope that you were able to find a way to show your brilliance to others.

Just because you dropped out of college doesn't mean that you weren't smart enough. What you were studying probably wasn't a good fit. One day you will find something you are passionate about, and you will be motivated to do well.

just have faith in that what one day will everything will be ok.
i understand u how do u fell

Hello. Believe me when I say that it won't always be this way. There will come a time when you can say "That was a bad time for me but I made it through."

22 is still young enough for you to change your life and be happy and many people have gone on to be rich and successful without an academic background. You will find what you want to do, just work hard at it and have some faith in yourself.

I sincerely wish you well. I don't know you but I still care about what happens to you. Good luck.

yeah. i get it and i feel this way a lot. i never wanna be here. i just wanna be happy. i see people all around me that smile and look so happy. i think why not me. why can't i just be happy. instead i hate life and i think i don't even wanna be here in 5 years. god kill me now. day after day of the same ****. i haven't cut myself in a while. i used to do it a lot. people just don't get it. they don't understand why. all the pressure that your under. all the stress. blahhh it sucks. i can't even believe that im on this. but oh well. i talk to hardly anyone and the people i do talk to i don't tell then anything. they wouldn't understand or they would think im a crazy person who needs help. go talk to a therapist people might say. blahhhh. sorry im going on and on. just wanna say i get it and it sucks. hope ur life gets better. ever wanna talk message me. see ya :-)

why do you have a conception of stupidity<br />
<br />
if you no like it?<br />
<br />
drink moor water<br />
<br />
have you're moral standing be something else<br />
<br />

I like most have experience a hard time, when I reach out to the right people it was hard to understand that the people how are visible care and want to help. I spent years not excepting my condition and not appreicating the people around me I could only think about me. Now I have the help I need I try to make the best of my situation. The right treatment could be GP, counselling, a friend, a socail event, exercise, psychlogist, family members, groups your not alone. I don't know you but is page only shows people care take.

awww I will be your friend! Your experience is almost similar to mine. The state that im in is probably the worse feeling in the world...lonliness is a disease. i know and understand completely how you feel about all of this...I wish I can give you some advice but unfortunatley I can't because we are both on the same boat...my hope is, it will get better....atleast that's what im trying to convince myself to believe.

I am sorry you feel this way, but know that there are people here who are willing to be there for you! I know I am! I understand how hard it is to feel like your life isn't really going anywhere and you're miserable and don't see an end to it. I've even considered ending it myself. Truth is, I don't know why we feel the way we do but I do know that you don't have to suffer alone!

HONEY.<br />
You can get a lpt of advice but need to find out what is thr reason you feel this way.<br />
I had a son that went through this.<br />
I know hqw pianful it can be,<br />
I am here for you if you need me!!!

I was in a situation almost identical to yours. I was pressured to go to university by my parents, but never got the grades. They gave me hell about it even though I worked so hard. I have never had many friends and went through a long period where I had no girlfriends, I still don't, only acquaintances. I felt so horrible for a long time, but eventually had had enough. I left university and started working in homecare, which I loved! I found out around this time that I hve ADD, my parents still think it is an excuse, but I know it is not so, whatever. After a few years I started working with a kid who had been abused and was in foster care. That was the most rewarding expirience. I found what I wanted to do even if it didn't fit with my parents expectations. I just ignored their comments and kept moving in MY direction that made me happy. I eventually decided to go back to school, but this time to one of those small college's, and do the Child and Youth Care Program. It was so much different then university. I can handle it and actually have done very well. There are always other ways to go, or other skills that you have that you can use. You were made for a purpose and if university didn't work out then it obviously wasn't suppossed to! Find something that makes you happy and don't listen to judgements of others, just do it! I can tell the children I work with that I understand how it feels to be alone, I can relate to them, and that is worth more then words can say. Start looking at your expiriences as an opportunity to relate to others and help them, to prevent them from feelling so sad. I know this is long, but I can't help it. I know now that I was so wrong to let those feelings control my life so long ago. Just the fact that you chared your story as honestly as you did says that you have such purpose. Who knows how many people you have helped so far, including me. :) Keep opening doors and eventually you'll find the right one! :)

I completely understand, but am not wise enough to give advice.. I apologize.

Im 24 year old nd living with my self this world is like cage for me. 2 times a week im crying i dont know y? im feeling i lost something long long time ago nd i cant find it..<br />
Only my friend is Night it mean i know night nd night know me 2 nd we talking to eachother behind the day i love night nd night love me 2 we reading poem for eachother.<br />
I dont know what life want from me nd nd i dont know what i want from life...:) sorrow never leaving never nd never.<br />
im going out when its rainy 'coz when its raniy my heart s raniy too more than sky..nd im standing on the street until i get wet when im came back to my cage my door s waiting for me ......stil i dont know where i came nd where i have to go..:)

Wow, dont beat yourself up no one is perfect and neither is life, you've got alot to live for, you just have to find out what that purpose is, I feel like that sometimes, but then i remember that its not just about me but its about my family and I have to be strong for them too and that helps me through the day, Im now facing a tuff marriage, been going through alot of things too but I learned that I cant beat myself up about it or drink it away ( i bet i could drink you under a table =P ) You just have to face your problem and take back control over you life, so your not alone, everyone struggles they just deal with it differently.<br />
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God Bless you!!!!! Dont give up, you have a purpose find out what it is