Why I Am So Alone and Confused
i don't even know why i'm doing this. what do i hope to acheive? i am 22, i dropped out of college with 3 semesters to go because i am simply NOT SMART ENOUGH. i am actually paying back a $3,000 student loan for nights in tears and almost cutting myself again. i have no friends, i haven't since i was in middle school. the only person i can talk to is my mother, and she understands about as much as a drunk goldfish. i suck. i am alone and lonely and no one is there for me. i will never be adult, responsible, happy, all the things i wanted to be. i have long since given up on being happy in my life. i cant even count the number of times i have wanted so badly just to give up and start over. life shouldn't be this hard. this is ****** up. and all it is is more and more, and i can't ******* deal with it. i am just so alone, and so far gone. what am i going to do with what remains of my life? i'm not good enough for anything or anyone, and this is my life. this is what i'm destined to live for the next goddess-knows how many years. and even here, now, i am typing up a pathetic little paragraph about how bad my life is, knowing full well no one will ever read it, and even if they do, i probably won't get it, although that's a blessing becauase yall think i'm insane probably. oh **** this, i'm going to bed. forget i said anyhting.
THE ONLY TIME I AM EVER HAPPY IS WHEN IM DRUNK. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON IS THAT??? what kind of an existence???
i have so much. inside, that is worth people knowing, and me knowing them. but it'll never come out. i'm trapped, inside myself. i am my own cage. Ha!