A Love Story That Will Never Begin...

We all have our first crushes. For some of us, it's the hottie who gives a lot of attitude and for others, its a cute and chubby down-to-earth girl.

I am 20 years old. And i got my first crush in the ninth grade. She was slim, beautiful and sexy. But what mattered to me the most was that down-to-earth, sweet little way in which she always talked to me. We were neighbours back then and there was this little project we did for about 4 days, that really made me feel that she was someone special. Even though I look pretty decent, I was always an extremely shy guy who hardly talked to girls, but with her, I instantly connected. Anyhow, at the end of those four days, i cried in my heart because i knew i wouldnt be seeing her very often now and that killed me.


After that, for about a year, i kind of stalked her! Whenever she went out of her house, i used to take my bicycle and follow her. And during the evenings, i used to walk back and forth in front of her house, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, in case she stepped out. I knew she'd say hi and smile...Watching her smile and looking at her eyes always washed away my sorrows and made me super-happy. All this while, we sparsely talked.


Once, when i was in my tenth grade, i told her about this workshop on computer assembling that i was going to attend. She wanted to join it too! My heart leaped with joy as i knew that for the next five days, i'll be with her for about three hours a day! That workshop got me further closer to her, and by now i knew i was in love with her. We even talked more often. But my shyness always got hold of me, and i was always too scared to ask her out, in case she said no. After that, we had some important examinations coming up, and decided to study together. For two blissful months, we used to go to each others place and study and talk to each other. Those were perhaps the most amazing two months of my life. But...i never once asked her out!


In the eleventh grade, a very weird change change came about her, or so I thought. She started to look a lot more sexy, and I started to see her hanging out with a bunch of guys. We talked less and less, probably because now she didnt have a reason to. But my feelings for her only grew! I saw other girls around me. So many of them were super hot, or super cute, but no one made me feel the same way she did. By the end of 12th grade, we were so busy studying for those stupid exams that help us get into a decent college, that we almost completely lost touch. Of course i always wanted to talk to her, but my shyness and my over analytical nature prevented me from doing so. I thought that if i call her, she'd probably get irritated or something. I always knew on thing - i was not as sexy as her and she'd always go for someone better than me. That always scared the hell out of me.


Now after getting decent grades in my final examinations in twelfth grade, but not getting a good college, i decided to wait for another year before i got into a college. She chose to do the same thing! I decided to study under professional guidance for engineering entrance exams,  stayed in a hostel, where i could put everything out of my head and concentrate on studies. But God wouldnt let me rest in peace...the place where she's taking her professional classes were next to my hostel! Everyday i saw her when she came back from her lectures, often with a bunch of guys, and that infuriated me. Whenever she'd see me, she'd say 'Hi' and chat for a little while. All this had a bad effect on my studies, as i couldnt get her out of my head. A good friend of mine advised me to propose to her. Her yes or no will atleast let me know how she felt about me, and that'd give me some peace in my mind. Acting on his advise, i proposed to her, and here's how she reacted:

At first, when i said i love you, she started laughing and said "Stop kidding man!"

again i said, again she laughed.

then again she laughed for the third time.

after that, i kept silent, and i guess she understood i was serious. She politely said no and said she still wants to be friends.


After that, for next six months, i managed to gradually block her out and study for my entrance exams. I got a seat in a pretty decent engineering college and i was happy that i was going far away from home (about 1500 miles), and i knew distance and time will help me forget her. But what came next was something I'd have never expected in my wildest dreams....


There are probably 800 engineering colleges (about 60-70 are pretty decent) in my country. Out of those, she got a seat in the same college that i did! 


Its been 7 years since i had my first crush. Its my fourth semester in engineering now. We both stay in hostels in our university. She and I often cross paths. We talk casually.

However, that feeling in my heart, the one i got 7 years back, comes to me whenever i see her. After all these years, I still fumble with words when I talk to her. I get infuriated when i see her with another guy. And I change paths just to catch a glimpse of her beautiful eyes and her angelic smile. And i always think.....


Someone up there sure as hell hates me. But then, maybe all these coincidences of her landing wherever i am are a signal..a symbol of a happier future....




logblogger89 logblogger89
18-21, M
5 Responses Mar 6, 2010

that's such a moving tribute to your heart, and love , sadly it's unrequited. You have to know that you have the capacity to love so strongly and with such devotion ~ and that's your grace and gift in life. I hope you will find the person who will appreciate and love you :)))!!!

You are verry welcome:))

Hey thanks peonyrose. That definitely cheered me up! :)

I feel for you, What a coicidence to meet her all the time on your path, Just when you are trying to forget her. I think you should concentrate on your studies just like you are doing now. And maybe do something next to your study. Like playing music. Or do something that you always wanna do. I gues with doing that you have at last a goal and somehting you enjoy and you can show her that you are more wisser and have moved on (altough your heart says no). Maybe somewere in the future she will notice that or you might meet some other girl who is interessted in you. And takes you the way you are. Love comes from both sides. It is a shame that it not always happends like that. But remember your not allone feeling like you do..I hope i helped you a litle..

It's the someone DOWN there that hates you dude, not GOD.