Never-ending Cycle.

It seems that I always end up getting really sad late at night/early in the morning. I used to go to bed every night at 9, but since that cycle has broken...and now nights are times for me to brood, to hate myself.

I'm a very academic-minded college student. Nights I usually break down, can't concentrate on my work, and I sit and brood about how much time I am wasting and how dumb I am and how I shouldn't be in such a highly selective college, surrounded by these people who I believe are so much brighter than I am.

At night, I always end up binging... I've been anorexic, and am now going through bulimia-like cycles, and I end up eating and purging almost every night.

I always torture myself with sad songs... I try to find friends to talk to, but as it's summer most of the are working long hours to pay for school and go to bed early.

And of course, I'm writing this right now at 1.26am... ah, the cycle...

Vexier Vexier
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 28, 2007

*hugs*<br />
<br />
i know you don't know me, and internet hugs are never as good as the real ones, but i want you to know that mine is genuine and that i care. i wish i could say something to help you. i am assuming you don't have a roommate? maybe you could talk to a college counselor? i know how hard it can be as a freshmen in college (are you a freshman?) i am about to finish my first semester in college, and it is very different from high school which, lets admit, is wonderful in so many way, but can also be tough, especially for people who are used to being a top student. but here's the thing - people are probably right think you are bright and it is important to give yourself credit where credit is due. also, academics are not everything in the world. try not to invest your entire sense of self worth in them. there is so much more about you that is beautiful and fascinating and worthwhile, and i hope you can find someone in your college who can see that. also, feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to.

"hi nicole", thanks for your kind comment!, <br />
"no i don't have many friend's to go out with"," and the money factor's a prob 2"!!!, (i've had bad friend experience's, so i'm slowly learning to trust people.) (thank's i'd like to be a friend and chat!!)<br />
(i hope your eating disorder get's better) "hug's" from Feflower