My Beloved Cookie
My 16-year-old Siamese kitty passed away in my arms Thursday morning. I can't stop crying. I am completely broken-hearted. She wasn't feeling well last weekend, so I took her to the vet on Monday. She had an infection of some kind, so the vet wanted to keep her for anti-biotics and iv fluids. She stayed there for two nights. Her white-cell count was going down, so I thought she might be ok. We brought her home with her medicine on Wednesday night. I held her and fed her kitten formula from a dropper to help her regain her strength. I had nursed her back to health after a scare in '07. But she was so weak and had lost control of her bodily functions. She was purring as I held her on Wednesday night. I thought about staying with her that night but did not and now I am wracked with grief over that decision. I wish I had stayed with her. But I made a bed of warm towels for her and let her rest. On Thursday morning, I got up and checked on her. As I bent down to pet her and talk to her, she tried to move herself closer to me. I got her medicine and formula ready, wrapped her in another nice warm towel, and held her close to me like I held my children. She ate a little for me, then refused. She growled a bit - I think she was in pain and I am so upset about that. I held her close; my son and daughter were with us. Then she went limp and she was gone. I am so glad she waited to go until I could be with her and hold her and love her at the end, but I was completely unprepared emotionally for it. I knew she probably didn't have much time left, but I didn't think she would go so soon. I miss her so much. I can't stop crying. Why does it have to hurt so much? How long will this pain last? Her twin sister (they were litter-mates) is wandering the house yowling for her. I don't think I can bear this again. Thank you all so much for listening to me; I feel like you all will understand. Cookie was a wonderful, beautiful seal-point Siamese with a great personality. I got her and her sister when they were 6 weeks old; I've had them longer than I've had my husband! I just don't know what to do. Being at home is so hard; everywhere I look I see memories of her. I thank God for my time with her and I know I'll see her again one day. But my questions now are did she suffer?? Was she in pain?? Why did she growl at me?? I wish I knew exactly what she died from...is there anything else I could have done for her??? Please help me understand. I miss her so much.