Just Kick Me When I'M Already DownToday was a sad one. And made even more sad as the day continued. I had a mid morning appointment that I knew would be unpleasant; a meeting that I have been dreading.
At home waiting for the time to pass, I was undone. I didn't want to cry, in fact, I " commanded" myself not to. My eyes, I swear, had a mind of their own. I didn't sob, I was silent. One eye would spill, then the other sent its twin.
I did the only thing that soothes me, I painted until time to leave.
The meeting took place.... Then I went to Mom's for final visit of the day.
Mom to me: Where do you live?
Me: I live down the road, not far. ( Mom's been here many times)
Mom: Do you have a house? ( many, so many times)
Me: I do.
Mom: That's best isn't it? It's best to have a home of your own ......
Unbeknownst to my Mother, I had just come from viewing the tiny room that would be hers in the Alzheimer's group home. Knowing today was the day I would face reality was the cause of my spilling tears. But this time I bit my quivering lip and answered, Yes Mom, a home of your own is best.
I beg you to not judge me as I say to you, I hope my Mother passes away soon... I hope she dies peacefully in her sleep... In her home, because," that's what's best, isn't it?"