Heroin

I met him, and he was wonderful and perfect... and then he said five words, "I am a heroin addict." And I didn't know what that meant. I had sobered up from my addiction (not heroin), why couldn't he? Five years later, I am lying in bed, with this awful knot in my chest, wishing I ran away when I heard those words leave his mouth.
It's like living in hell. For days, sometimes weeks, on end, I would watch him slowly die. I watched as a monster ate his soul. As dramatic as it sounds, it's true. I find needles in the bathroom, needles under the mattress... where did that $20 bill go... where are the speakers... where's my father's keyboard... why do you keep doing this?!?
And in 2008, I married him. He was high at the ceremony. He was high our first anniversary. He was high my 30th birthday. He was high on our second anniversary. And then he "got sober''.. again. And then he was sick. And the he was high. And he got sober, and sick, and high and sober and sick and high.
And now he's in a hospital outside Boston because when I finally decided enough was enough, he lost his damn mind. And I feel bad, and sad and stupid and naive, and I have to admit that I lost my husband to a flower, and I wish I never met him, or at least if I did meet him, I wish I walked away when he said those five horrible words that changed everything.
moonpunit42 moonpunit42
26-30, F
Aug 11, 2010