Isolated Mother Of Autistic Son

My son has severe asd with very aggressive behavior.  Because of problems in the past I just don't even bother trying to make friends anymore.  Nobody wants to spend time with my son and it hurts so much that I don't want anyone in my life that's just going to make me feel even worse.  But now I'm so lonely.  My husband's in rehab right now so I don't even have him.  He couldn't handle the stress of taking care of our son so he turned to drugs.
I can't go anywhere with my son.  He just freaks out and attacks me.  The other day someone called an ambulance so he could have phsyciatric care when he was attacking me in the middle of downtown and wouldn't stop biting me and lunging at me.
Today he attacked me on the way home from his school.  Got tons of bite marks on my arm now where he broke my skin with his teeth right through my clothes. I can't believe I have to live like this.  Therapy isn't helping, meds not helping much either. 
I'm 30 years old and don't even have 1 friend.  My life is so messed up I don't even think there's someone out there with whom I can relate.  Plus I'm too embarrassed to let anyone else see how I live.  I just wish I had a different life.  I just wish my son was well so we could enjoy life.  I'm tired of being beated up by my own kid.  Tired of trying to hide from everyone.  Don't want to be by myself anymore.
mamaneedsabreak mamaneedsabreak
3 Responses Jun 20, 2012

I am sorry you are going through such pain I am too and I understand if you need someone to talk to I am here.

I don't know you but am praying for your strength and peace of mind. I too have a son who is on the spectrum and I also deal with his behavioral challenges. Two years ago, I got a divorce, moved to a new state (and back in with my parents), etc. Needless to say, I too sometimes feel overwhelmed with the fact that my life is not the way I'd like it. Yet, what keeps me going are several things. <br />
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First, I talk to God as if He is my friend. I tell him about my challenges and concerns. Don't know if you have a spiritual ba<x>se; if you don't, you might want to consider developing one. This really helps me feel I am never alone. <br />
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Second, I make myself get out into the community. Yes, sometimes my son does embarrassing things, but my son and I both need to be around people because social isolation breeds continuous depression, no behavioral models, and ignorance. Trust me, you are not the only person dealing with this. In this time and age when 1 out of 100 kids has autism, people everywhere know of someone dealing with this issue. And the people who freak out when your kid goes on the attack? You can explain as best you can and *%$ them if they can't understand. Stay out there - go to the park, zoo, wherever - and you will soon meet someone who can understand. Maybe look in your area for parents of children with autism support groups (where you can take your child) - the school district for your area should be able to point you where you can find this (trust me, you need this!) and join a church. These places offer valuable support. The main thing is stop hiding from the world. You'll only end up falling into a deeper sadness and won't have the awareness that there are folks like you and some who are dealing with situations much worse. <br />
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You are doing the right thing by participating in the E.I. program. I did it too and it helped.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you come back and read my comments on your stories, and I would be happy to talk to you and lend an ear, maybe offer some advice. I wonder how old your child is.<br />
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There are things that might help with the aggressive behavior. I don't know what kind of help medically you are getting for your son or where you live, but if you do read this please message me and we can talk.