I Am Sad

It took me a while to understand why depression is so often compared with drowning. In the past I have been diagnosed with depression, but it was different. Now it physically feels like I'm drowning. I thought (due to treatment) that I "beat depression," but it's back. I feel really alone. I'm really good at pretending to be happy, but I wish I wasn't. It would be easier if I was a bad liar. Maybe then somebody would notice. Maybe somebody would help.
I know I should ask for help, but I don't want to be a burden. It was hard enough getting help the last time. I don't want to go back to therapy. I really hate therapy. When I go to therapy, it feels like the therapist is just taking my problems and exploiting them for cash. It doesn't feel like somebody cares about my problems and wants to fix them.
I wish I had somebody in my life I could talk to, but I'm too closed-off. I'm not comfortable letting people in. My problems probably wouldn't be so heavy if I let people in, but I just can't. It's something I need to work on. On the other hand, I haven't met anybody I want to let in.

I am sad. I just needed to get that out.
amandatheapple amandatheapple
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 6, 2013

Stop pretending and allow yourself to be vulnerable for once. You might be surprised that people care if you let them know you need help, they will never know if you "act" happy. Being vulnerable is not a weakness its a strength, because it is human and real and THAT is what others connect too!

I'm very sorry your struggling right now and I cant hope to imagine what you might be going through and I wish I had some wise words of advice to help you but I don't I think I'm to young to have anything good to say but when I'm having a rough night I say to myself, "Things are always better in the morning". I hope this helps . . . Keep your head up