I Am SadIt took me a while to understand why depression is so often compared with drowning. In the past I have been diagnosed with depression, but it was different. Now it physically feels like I'm drowning. I thought (due to treatment) that I "beat depression," but it's back. I feel really alone. I'm really good at pretending to be happy, but I wish I wasn't. It would be easier if I was a bad liar. Maybe then somebody would notice. Maybe somebody would help.
I know I should ask for help, but I don't want to be a burden. It was hard enough getting help the last time. I don't want to go back to therapy. I really hate therapy. When I go to therapy, it feels like the therapist is just taking my problems and exploiting them for cash. It doesn't feel like somebody cares about my problems and wants to fix them.
I wish I had somebody in my life I could talk to, but I'm too closed-off. I'm not comfortable letting people in. My problems probably wouldn't be so heavy if I let people in, but I just can't. It's something I need to work on. On the other hand, I haven't met anybody I want to let in.
I am sad. I just needed to get that out.