All of It

You called me up at 1:30 this morning, so drunk you were repeating yourself over and over.  I love you too.  You can't just "unlove" someone, especially someone you write songs for after fifteen years.  Oh *****, you've had an ankle bracelet on for five years now.  You just got out of a 90 day rehab, and you call me up to tell me how much you love me.  My God, girl.  I've been putting myself through hell to stay sober for 2 years.  You breaking my heart....again.

I'm not doing so hot myself.  I have a lot to be grateful for, though.  I went through six months of shots in the belly that made me sick as a dog.  The shots worked though,. My condition makes me seem ungrateful even when I'm grateful.  I still have to take all those other pills though, and they seem to make me dumb as a post.  I feel like a 48 year old spoiled brat because I've been so blessed and so lucky and I still cry like a little baby, but it's ok because I have an illness that makes me do that.  It is OK isn't it?  In spite of it all, I'm better off than a whole lot of people in this world.

I'm having one of those "bad days" and you call me up at 1:30 in the morning so drunk you couldn't grab your butt with both hands.  Saying, " I love you"  "Sing me 'Green eyed Girl."  If you get one more dirty **** test, you're going to prison for three years, but now I wonder if you're going to live long enough for another dirty UA. You've burnt your candle at all three ends.  You're breaking my heart again.  I'm not going to drink today, but I'm not going to sit here and say I don't want to!

puck61 puck61
51-55, M
14 Responses Nov 25, 2008

That has to be so hard. Glad that you put it out there, for you, for anyone else who may have needed to read it. You're a good man, Puck. *hugs*

sometimes people do that to us...they break our hearts and move in and break them some more and then when they are done breaking them, they come back and break them again! I guess it's life. we've got to have a feeling associated with our stopping from drinking, from killing ourselves. I'm proud of you man for staying strong, and not letting her get to you.

You're welcome snowy174.

thanks for sharing

You are an inspiration. Good luck with everything, all areas of life. Keep strong.

I think it's been long enough. If it wasn't for my online and offline friends I'd be drinking. (I'm not one of those self righteous recovering alcoholics. I think booze is just fine for people that can handle it and not let it handle them!!)

Thanks Marji, it's just hard to see her do this to herself.

Letting go sucks. <br />
<br />
Courage gentle poet, courage.

(((((Hugs))))) I wish you well on your journey to yourself. I wish you strength and love and all the friends and family you need to realize what you seek.

the hardest time to find the strength you need is when your heart and head are at odds with each other. It is at this time we have to hold or hearts in our hands and allow or heads to lead the way. Protect your heart and the head will follow. There is a time when the best choice is to protect your heart so that it can once again at a later date have a chance to lead in a healthy way. are strong. I know that about you...if there is anything I can do...please let me know.<br />
<br />

Thank you Mizzblue

Thanks for sharing this .. I hope everything works out.

God Bless you for your commitment to sobriey however hard.......:-)