I'm A Mess...

Apart of me broke yesterday, I was hurting and I wanted to cry in the worse way but at the same time i didn't feel like tears would be enough so I cut myself with some scissors but it wasn't enough so i grabbed a razor and bascially ripped my leg and thigh to the point where all i saw was blood, at the time i didnt feel it i was numb and i didnt wanna cut so i called a friend who told me he would always be there anytime if i needed to talk, he was asleep and i felt that i was disturbing him so i hung up, and i cried myself to sleep, i cried and cried while i wished i had someone to talk to, someone to share this pain with who wont judge me somewhere in the mist of all those tears and heart break, i fell asleep on a wet pillow. In the morning the tears were gone and the pain from my cuts are burning, at least im not crying, Im sad and i hurt, and unable to express myself is taking a tole on me. But the worst part is that nobody seems to understand just how bad im doing. I guess i got so good at hiding it that no one bothers to take a look and actually see if im doing ok, I have so much emotions in me that are threatning to expose themselves i have no idea what to do. Feels like my heart is breaking, and that its never gonna heal because no one care for me..

CaliGurl2007 CaliGurl2007
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Yea i know how that is....im slowly starting to make people listen...slowly...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....................<br />
sometimes we want to express our feelings to someone but there is nobody whom we can talk to..... so we start crying.... everybody around us is so mean that i think crying alone is better than talking..<br />
sometimes i cry a lot... sometimes i cry whole day without any reason... i dont know why i m feeling so much pain when everything going alright.... i need somebody to talk to but nobody is ready to listen.. everybody is so busy in their life that they talk to me only when they have some mean for talking else they always ignore me....

Hey thanks for reading, I do try to make others feel better, by listening it just seems like theres nobody there to listen to me, I keep hearing that its going to be ok but it hasnt been for a long time now so its kinda unrealistic to me at this point although i do hear what your saying, But believ me when i say i cant stop cutting right now, i stopped for a whole year but then something trigger it back and hard and its the only thing i have left at this point, i can tell you that i will stop but i know i wont so theres no point in lying, but thank you for listening, as for the counseling Ive been looking up for everything, for people who self injure i really do wanna stop i just dont no how