For The Next Time...

I am divorced and I have children, so I'm obviously not a virgin, but as much as I love sex I'm saving myself for the woman I will one day marry. There were moments after the divorce where I could have given in and just gone out to have a "wild time", but I controlled myself because I'm not going to just "give" myself to anyone. Just because my ex couldn't keep herself restrained doesn't mean I have to behave like her.

As a Christian I know I'm not perfect but I do always desire to do the things that please God, and avoiding fornication is one of them. It has been over a year and half for me (with my ex, about 2 weeks before she left), and by now I'm in no rush to have sex anytime soon.
Army0917 Army0917 31-35, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2011

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It is moving and absolutely lovely to see a guy with these morals- and such discipline!

It seems like these days, all anyone wants is instant gratification, most of all guy who seem to be celebrated in being success in their attempts.

Good on you, dude! :D

Thank you very much :)

I am 26 and divorced. I am a Christian. I had sex with a guy I was in a relationship with after my divorce and now I am almost 6 months pregnant and he is gone. I have learned a lot from my mistakes and im currently dating a really great Christian guy. I'm taking it really slow this time which feels great. We have been out on dates 4 times and have only hugged. I am praying that I have the self control to save myself. I do hope to remarry someday. It's very hard at my age, especially being very attractive, to withstand temptation when guys ask me out and I know they just want one thing. I do think my new friend is different and I was very up front with him on our first date. I think if things do continue, it will be better for our relationship in the long run if we wait.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this. I hope things are still going well with your friend and that the Lord is blessing you and your relationship. In about a week it will be 2 years for me, and I thank the Lord that he has been watching out for me. If I can give you any encouragement, stand by Christ when you don't know what to do, and even if things don't work out, Christ will bless you.

I ma in a similar situation and its good to know that there are people like you who are making sure that they are not cheating on anyone or following the wrong path. And yes controlling physical urges is way too difficult when you are actually used to it. You are not a virgin being married i am still one being married which irritates me to the core. I liked your story.. motivates me to follow the right path and not wander here and there.

Thanks for the encouragement. I read your story and I'll be praying for your situation as well.

Thanks for remembering me in your prayers

What an example!! Good for you Armyman and thank you for showing the world (at least here on EP) that one CAN have self control. I think that physical temptations are probably one of the hardest things to endure. Yet God would not have given the commandment to be morally clean if He didn't KNOW we could do it. I commend you for your faithfulness to God and your example to choose the right!!

To be fair, I wouldn't have this self control outside of the Holy Spirit. He's the one who is producing the "temperance" in my life. I'm really to thank him. To bad the world doesn't share the same view. Many of our relationship issues could be stopped if we would just stay out of each others "pants" prior to marriage and be fully committed to our spouses.

That is the Truth...I think the difficulty comes when we face the reality that it means God may not provide a person appropriate for us to marry.

We can either accept it, or decide to go out if His will to get those needs met.

I have peace with solo. I am committed to myself for life...richer or poorer, until death.

I used to be angry at God, but now I understand that being human means suffering. He doesn't provide everything we would prefer, just Grace. I spent years after my divorce waiting for God to send me a companion. I had false hopes, many lusts, many affectionate attractions, nothing that was the right situation so I always battled my desires.

I met someone at work that I adored, except he is not a believer. After much prayer, three years on, we got involved. I had peace with it, thinking God was at work.

He knew exactly where I stood at the beginning, I was not deceptive. He never had a spiritual change, and I wanted to save full love making for marriage; he didn't want to get married. We are both poor and I think he knew I would forever be disappointed with what he could provide.

I still miss him terribly, and pray for him not to get him back, but because I truly love him as a human being and want the best for him.

I accepted that God may never provide a man who is marriage material for me. He knows best. I accept my life can be good anyway.
Thank you for sharing your struggle and your convictions. I think we can be misunderstood. It isn't that we are free from a sex drive, far from it. It is deeper than that, deep into the will of a sacred heart. I pray God does indeed bring you a lovely, sweet woman who loves to be intimate with you, in the right time and place, and that you find hands through whatever life brings.