Scared Of Love And Relationships

I have no problem in communicating with a guy and talking about regular things. But when those talks grow more and more intense and it reaches till the point where someone asks me to have a love relationship, I get scared! It has happened to me twice.....
There was this guy, who I met, and then we started calling each other and messaging. I was only 16 at the time. I just talked to him about my homeworks and school so that he would get bored and stop texting me. But he sounded like he really cared for me and that was really sweet.... At that age, I had never even thought about love and relationship. And then when he told me that he really likes me and loves me, I was really scared. I didn't know how to reply. I just knew that i can't be in love, I don't know why I felt like that. I actually liked him but I was scared to tell him. I said "no" for a relationship and he stopped calling and messaging. I felt bad very bad. I even felt like a coward and a very bad person. I was just so scared to say yes!
And the second time same thing happened with another guy. But this time, I was 18 and I knew that relationships could ruin my studies. Besides that there was the same scary feeling like before, instead of the fact that I had never liked this guy so much. I had just few talks with him but I still felt scared.
I do have crushes but I am quite sure that if the were to ask me out, I would say "no" for no reason at all. This thing drives me insane.... Why am I so scared of being in love. I know love is beautiful, and I have seen my friends and best friends totally happy with their boyfriends and here I am wanting to love but still afraid of it! 
I guess I am just not ready, some people take lots of time for this, right? I hope I will meet someone someday, with whom I will be not scared being in love! :)
citygirl9841 citygirl9841
18-21, F
8 Responses May 18, 2012

Trust me. Try being in the moment. Don't think about what it "means" . Consider your conversation a connection .. not a commitment. What happens next is not scripted by anyone but you. Love. ..if you can, when you can, for as long as you can.

I'm forty. Still happens to me.
:). Have two long term relationships under my belt tho. :). So don't worry when you feel the need to talk the love stuff... You will. :). Maybe now is the time?

I know how you feel, my friend. I think maybe it's the stories you hear of relationships that go hideously bad for a multitude of reasons, something guys like you and I want to avoid. Do you think maybe that's it?

try to love your own ability and turn it into capability so that you yourself become the purchaser instead of becoming the commodity for sale

It could be you *aren't* ready...but there's nothing wrong with that. I wasted fours years of my life trying to "fix" one of my best friends, only for her to turn around and cheat on me. Sometimes relationships suck. And sometimes you try too hard. Whatever will be will be.

Hi, you seem like a really good person, so here's my advice.

There's a saying that "it takes one to know one", so I want you to consider this...I'm a "love avoidant" and I think you may be as well. I'm telling you this because being a love avoidant is incredibly destructive to having a good loving relationship, but I think you're young and you can get help. I'm still learning, but I know it starts with loving and accepting yourself.

Anyway, I hope you look into this because "love avoidant" tendencies will sabotage any relationship or potential relationship you might attempt or want. We all need and want love and you are probably not consciously aware of your need for emotionally intimate love. I say that from my own experience of ruining several relationships in my own life. I'm even married with a child now, so I'm on the right path, but it's still difficult for me on a daily basis, but I'm just starting to get help and I luckily feel things improving for me on a weekly basis.

Please try googling "love avoidant" and "love addict", and you should find plenty of helpful resources. You should also try attending a "love addicts" anonymous group meeting. I hope you follow this advice as I truly believe it will make a world of difference for you.

Good luck! :)

I was scared of love for so long in my life that I never talked with anyone and ran away when approached. I grew sick of being lonely seeing others around me being in relationships and decided to take a risk at meeting someone. I met someone online, asked to meet her face-to-face, became friends on FB, and now chat everyday.

I have this same problem and they all end up saying that I'm being rude or arrogant but I can't help it.I'm scared of getting into any relationship that's the main reason.