Scared Of Love And Relationships

I have no problem in communicating with a guy and talking about regular things. But when those talks grow more and more intense and it reaches till the point where someone asks me to have a love relationship, I get scared! It has happened to me twice.....
There was this guy, who I met, and then we started calling each other and messaging. I was only 16 at the time. I just talked to him about my homeworks and school so that he would get bored and stop texting me. But he sounded like he really cared for me and that was really sweet.... At that age, I had never even thought about love and relationship. And then when he told me that he really likes me and loves me, I was really scared. I didn't know how to reply. I just knew that i can't be in love, I don't know why I felt like that. I actually liked him but I was scared to tell him. I said "no" for a relationship and he stopped calling and messaging. I felt bad very bad. I even felt like a coward and a very bad person. I was just so scared to say yes!
And the second time same thing happened with another guy. But this time, I was 18 and I knew that relationships could ruin my studies. Besides that there was the same scary feeling like before, instead of the fact that I had never liked this guy so much. I had just few talks with him but I still felt scared.
I do have crushes but I am quite sure that if the were to ask me out, I would say "no" for no reason at all. This thing drives me insane.... Why am I so scared of being in love. I know love is beautiful, and I have seen my friends and best friends totally happy with their boyfriends and here I am wanting to love but still afraid of it! 
I guess I am just not ready, some people take lots of time for this, right? I hope I will meet someone someday, with whom I will be not scared being in love! :)
citygirl9841 citygirl9841
18-21, F
3 Responses May 18, 2012

LOOK,...I had my first girlfriend at 19,married that cutie 5 years later because I don't believe in rushing and were still happy 33 years later.

My fatherinlaw came out of the war in 1945 and the girls loved him because he was a lean,good looking Italian but he stayed single till he was 40.

There are NO rules to this.

BUT,...because I have studied psychology for 26 years I would want you to see a therapist or keep a Diary about how you really feel about relationships.

Are you putting pressure on yourself for no good reason OR
A) You have been through,mollestation,a divorce growing up,are you a person with anxiety disordr that is phobic,what is your view about relationships....are they distorted reality ?

If it isn't psychological then you need to know a secret I discovered while studying human behavour.When you meet someone and you want to know if this is a relationship to persue ? Ask yourself if you feel comfortable with that person ? Do you feel you can just be yourself with ALL YOUR FLAWS ? Then ask your body if the chemistry is there.You need both things for a relationship.

LAST OF ALL .......it's ok to stay single for your life and just get a dog.A dog will love you and never lie to you or hurt you.

its normal...dunno worry...:)when u will get the right person in your life...u will fall for him n u wont gate scared,.....its just a passing phase..:)

Awww sweetie, I know where you are coming from; society, movies, tv, books - they all colour our image of what relationships should be and I went through a period of being 'scared' of relationships, for fear of not living up to the expectations I thought they entailed... but I was wrong... being in a relationship is a wonderful, fulfilling and ultimately rewarding experience. You grow as a person. You learn about yourself as much as you learn about the other person. Sometimes relationships don't work out, for whatever reason, and even though I have been through a bad break up, the time I had with my partner I can now look upon fondly, remembering who I was then, the fun times, the joy and the excitment. I hurt when we ended, and no matter what platitudes people give you, to love you do open yourself up to pain; BUT it is sooooo worth it.... so I understand your fears, I do, and your right, you've not met the right person and your not in the right place yet, but when you are and when you do, it will be worth it, believe me; in the meantime don't close yourself off to the possibilities and don't be pushed into something before it is right for you. I wish you well, your prince is out there somewhere, just open yourself to opportunities out there . ;-)<br />
<br />
x

Thank you so much for the beautiful comment, I appreciate it a lot.
Yes, from the novels and films I might have pictured my prince.... I get scared to search for that person or I don't even want to search... because I think, if someone is there for you, they have to come one day in your life. You know, have always pictured that there is this *firework* feeling when you meet your right person and it has never happened to me. So maybe because of this I am scared of wrong relationship. I am scared of break ups. I might not be ready now for a relationship... And I loved your positive attitude towards love, I hope I could have the same attitude some day. Thank you once again! :) xoxo

your very welcome ;-)