Lay Lady Lay

i'm in college; i'm a pre-med student with a seat quite literally waiting for me in med school as long as i keep a certain gpa.  its quite stressful.

i'm in love.  i feel like its the only thing holding me together right now.

i'm being stalked by an ex-boyfriend.  he's big.  he's scary.  i think he's a sociopath.  lately, he's taken to showing up in places where he knows i'll be and makes it very obvious that he is there.  he does this with loud music or just by talking very loud.  the other night he was outside my room on my dorm floor lounge until 3 a.m.  i found out he later bragged about how uncomfortable it made me.  i was terrified to go take a shower.  i thought he'd try to corner me, he's done it before.

he has no concept of right and wrong, fact or fiction.  it terrifies me.  anything i do has a chance of provoking him.  i feel so trapped inside my own skin.  my parents tell me that i can't do anything.  i know that.  my goodness.

i always ignore him.  i pretend not to see him.  however, he tells everyone he spends any amount of time with that i cheated on him.  it be one thing if i had, but i didn't.  no one ever stands up for me.  none of my friends.  but i don't blame them, who wants a crazy person after them.

i'm so loyal to all of my friends.  i always stand up for them.  the favor is never returned.  i'm so sick of it.  so incredibly sick of everything.

i went to college away from all my friends.  i was given a full-ride scholarship and med school.  truly, an offer that could not be turned down.

i miss my best friend.  she was my sister.  she IS my sister.  i'm always so busy here.  i barely ever have a chance to talk with her.  and now - she's pregnant.

my friend.  my beautiful friend.  what will happen to her now?  she's at a very expensive college with a lot of student loans.  the guy who did it is so terrible.  i tried to tell her.  i tried so hard to warn her.  but she felt that she'd put in so many years of friendship - that it'd get better.

i can't be there for her.  of course, i can support her, but i can't drop everything and go be with her like she needs me.  what will happen to her life after this?  my god, it rips me apart.

i just want to cry.  i just want to curl up and cry until i pass out.  i want to stand in the shower for hours until the water has washed everything out of me and i'm nothing but a shell.

i want someone to talk to.  someone who will listen and then just hug me.  my boyfriend is a big help, but he has his own issues regarding that ex-boyfriend.  so its hard to talk about the situation completely.  my parents are busy - end of story.  my friend has her own problems.

i just want to breath.

i just want to breath and not feel like i've been punched as soon as i exhale.

jamie609 jamie609
18-21
6 Responses Feb 19, 2009

thanks everyone. it really makes me feel better to see that what i did wasn't an overreaction and was the right course.<br />
<br />
i told my advisor who alerted all my professors, people in the dorm with authority, and set it up so that the next thing he does will be officially documented and the authorities will be informed.<br />
<br />
i've also made it a point to tell my friends at college who weren't aware of why i was terrified of him and began to shake when he decided to "talk" to the group i was with.<br />
<br />
i feel so much better now. its as if he wins the small battles, but i'm going to win the war. <br />
<br />
thank you for all your kindness. it means a lot to me.

Firstly let me say Good On You for doing your best to stay strong against this guy despite his overwhelming presence in your life - you might be scared at FAIR ENOUGH but thank goodness you ended it with him in the first place!<br />
I have to echo the ideas of others - tell as MANY people as you can, inform campus security, and the police - and yes, get that restraining order - He has NO RIGHT to make you feel trapped in your home.<br />
Channel being scared into rightous anger and take steps to make your self safe and get him the HECK OUT of your life.<br />
As for your poor friend - the only thing you can do is try to be there for her. Phone calls, txt, email, even if you cant visit. If she loves you the way you obviously love her then she knows already that you support her despite any other circumstances.<br />
Best wishes, stay strong *hugs*

You have to tell the police, campus security, tutors, all your friends... It's secrets and the dark that give people like this power. Let in the daylight and they wither like vampires at dawn. <br />
You really need to tell anyone and everyone exactly what you wrote in here. Print of a paragraph with a picture of him and put it on lamposts like a "lost and found" so EVERYONE knows who he is and what he does. <br />
Openess and honesty are way more powerful than secrets and nastiness.

**PLEASE, GO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!**<br />
Tell everyone you have it to include your employer, <br />
professors, Campus Security! DO IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! Change your routine a bit and always try to be within or near a group of people. Be aware. These type of people are CRAZY and unpredictable.

What a terrible situation to be caught in. I agree with dasmuggler. You should definetly tell someone about your ex-boyfriend's behavior and how its making you uncomfertable. Your safety is above all, the number one priority

inform campus security about the stalker