Started When I Was Young...

Being told there is no God, afterlife, no nothing when you die is hard to deal with when you are a kid. My father is a strong atheist and would tell it to me straight so there was no hope in my mind and remains no hope today.

I used to think of death. The end. And feel sick in my stomach. I remember a time ringing a muslim friend of mine in the night time telling her my fears.

The thoughts went away for a while... Or I pushed them away and tried not to remember and recently they have come back and I have that sick feeling again.

Lying in bed and imagining not being here. The world carrying on without me. It's a horrible feeling. Like thinking about the end of the universe or what we are contained in. Big thoughts that you can't contemplate.

I wish I believed in something so I wouldn't feel so scared. When I talk to people they are just like "well it is going to happen". Yes, I know that but is no one scared? I hate the feeling... I am thinking of it now. I tried to believe in christianity and the bible but I can't. I'm not capable of having faith in things which I can not see.

70 years from now. From writing this... I am not going to be here. And I won't know anything anymore. We live and die. It's such a sad fate.

QoS~

QueenOfSpades QueenOfSpades
22-25, F
5 Responses Aug 22, 2007

We all believe in many things even though you can't see them. When you go to bed at night you assume that you are going to wake up in the morning even though there is no proof.. You believe in right or wrong even though there is no Proof. You just believe. You can't see love, hate or any of the emotions but you assume they exist.There is no proof. In each of us there is a certain intuitiveness that there is something else beyond this life even though you can not prove it. Check out NDE (Near Death Experiences), it may bring you comfort.
I'm a Christian and because of that, my God is the best God there can ever be and that he loves me. I have no proof but I would prefer it more than any other belief. We choose our beliefs.
I hope that this personal opinion will help you find peace with your soul.

i know how you feel i cant beleve in happy ever after in the afterlife if god was real how can he condone the death of a child,i mean its nice to think its all ok we go to heaven but i think when i die that is that the long sleep and i am super mad i stil got things i wanna do feelings i wan to share and my baby girl is going to grow up without me what about me.

Thank you m8gnolia and in internalarts for your insight on this hard to comprehend topic. I appreciate your thoughts.<br />
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Cycles too... My friend mentioned something about circles... meaning things are neverending... Iff you look at the earth, planets, the sun, a circle has no end. I know we die and go into the earth but the feeling that my thoughts and memories will be gone is weird.<br />
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He talked about a weird concept... I can't believe it but I'll share it here. We have a soul... Does anyone believe in the soul? We must have something enabling us to feel pain/emotion... We have a soul in heaven and they are sent to be in the body as punishment and they have a certain amount of years (their sentance). And he calculated that my soul has been to earth 9 times. Interesting concept but I always came up with arguments to this theory.<br />
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I know I have to treasure time. It is important and sometimes I forget how every moment is not to be wasted because time is short. <br />
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I'm glad I am not alone in feeling scared of death. Sometimes there is no one to talk to about it.<br />
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All the best to you both and internal - good luck on raising your daughter when it comes to this issue :)<br />
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QoS~

QueenofSpades--<br />
I want to thank you very much for sharing your experience and making me think about this topic. I am a father and more or less, an atheist. The feelings you shared made me think about how I would like to raise my daughter, though she is only a baby right now.<br />
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My conclusion, is that I would like to raise her with a focus on hope and positivity and beauty. <br />
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There is also beauty about death. As M8gnolia noted, there are cycles, beautiful cycles and what we focus our mind and thoughts on is very important.<br />
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It is not easy to avoid thinking about death. It is like when you tell someone "Don't think about a pink elephant". When you say that, that is exactly what pops into their mind.<br />
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But, awareness of death can create a bittersweet feeling. Because we know that time is fleeting, we can, if we choose, appreciate the time we DO have all the more. Without that awareness, it is easy to take time for granted.<br />
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Here is a crass analogy that came to mind after reading M8gnolia's comment:<br />
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Imagine you go to your favorite restaurant with a friend. Think about what you would order, your favorite dish.<br />
Now, imagine that rather than enjoying the food, tasting the flavors, enjoying the company of your friend and the atmosphere, that you sat there thinking of the **** that you would have to take some time later after eating. That would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?<br />
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That is not very different from focusing on and giving too much attention to death. Yes, it is a natural end result of living, but if you focus your mind and energy on it, it steals your attention from the lovely experience of the present.<br />
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Though it is not easy, we can choose what to allow our minds to spend time on. Just as we would not sit at a lovely dinner thinking about the **** we will inevitably take, so should we not waste too much of the present worrying about death.<br />
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All the best to you and thank you again for making me think about how to raise a happy athiest daughter.

Cycles. Nature operates in cycles. How the sun and moon trade places every day and night. How we eat and sh*t. How the seasons change. How our bodies menstruate. How sometimes you pay and sometime your friend pays. How you sleep and you wake up. How the ocean creates waves. How my birthday comes every St Patricks day. How your lungs move up and down when you inhale+exhale..... I have been caught up in thoughts of death lately as well. For months now. But a friend reminded me of this: Not only is death something that we cant avoid, but by focusing on something in the future, it is much too easy for us to neglect the beautiful cycles around us in the present. After all, this is what makes life: cycles. A delicate balance of all things in the present. These words have helped me. I hope they help you.

How true. If you focus all your attention on death, you waste precious time living.