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When Do You Walk Out?

It's hard, you know? Knowing when to give up. I love him. He loves me. That should be enough, right? Well, October Second is 3 years. I'm 24. I'm getting to a point where in a year or so I'd like to be seriously concidering marriage. I could see it being with him. But I don't know. He's hurt me. A lot. We're healing. We took a huge step and moved out on our own together. But we fight. A lot. Or sometimes not at all. It's like we go through these phases. The kind where you're so miserable you can barely keep yourself from sobbing uncontrollably and then you're walking six feet off the ground because you're so happy. He's told me he loves me more and more. And that he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone.  He's told me he's not in love with me. He's also told me he's never been in love and he's not sure if he's capable of it at this point. What if he's not? What if he never is? What if he is he's just not capable of being in love with me. I can't. I can't. But I do. I stay. Because I am in love. And that's the worst part. Because the people who you love the most are the people who can cause the most damage.

TouuSan TouuSan 22-25, F 7 Responses Sep 20, 2008

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I am in a similar situation. I'm too afraid of the pain and emptiness that follows leaving someone you love, even if it probably is the right thing to do.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP . ITS SOUND LIKE YOUR BOTH YOUNG NEED TIME OUT TO GROW , STEP BACK TO SEE WHAT U REAL WANT OUT OF THIS INFANT RELATIONSHIP , LOVE WONT KEEP IT GLUE . YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF , ASK QUESTIONS , WHY R WE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, DO WE LOVE EACH OTHER, IS THERE A FUTURE , R WE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP FOR THE WRONG REASONS , FACE THE TRUTH , IT WILL SET U FREE !!!!

This sounds like a classic cycle routine ... you need the love and support that HE can provide, and he needs someone that he can use as an emotional punching bag. Its not a great pattern to be locked into, and for some folks it works ... but I dont believe that is the case here. <br />
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I think you are trapped because you fail to see any additional options. You have a few responses here with lots of good advice. Im not here to bash anybodys suggestions. I think you have to find what will work for you, and stay with that ... I also think what you have before you right now ISNT what you want. Dont settle. In the end all you will do is drag yourself down, and whom ever you attach yourself to along with you. Make a list of what YOU like and what HE likes. If you can come up with 20 activities or interests that you each like, and only 5 match then that should tell you that your doubts are well placed. Also, if he is holding back from the relationship, and you are not, that should be an indicator of future issues for both of you.

I am a firm believer that you have to be friends first. My husband and I knew each other for four years before we went on a real 'date.' By date I mean he asked to the Homecoming dance, picked me up and we spent the majority of our time together. Yes, we went to movies (which I always consider our first date but I asked him, not visa versa), but he would just sit there. No yawning and stretching out his arms and have one of them 'magically' appear over my shoulder. We knew what tv shows we like/disliked, what were our favorite books, stories, magazines and classes. There is a lot to a relationship than sleeping in the same bed, having intercourse. What do you do for the remaining 23 or so hours in a day. I know this sounds really weird, ask him to walk in the park...play on the swings...go down the slide. Mark (my husband) did things like that. Then again, I live in a more temprate climate. But, when I was going to U of Wisconsin and he would come and see me, we did the same silly things too. Something as simple as a walk in the park would probably make the both of you forget what is making you mad. Give it a try, and drop me a line. My pics, profile are pretty public, the only blocks I have are some dudes that want to show me pictures of their ******. My blog is public (but that is about my training schedule). I have been around the block a time or two, but I only had one relationship, so maybe I am not the Anne Landers/Dear Gabby of the group, but I made it work. I look foward to hearing from you.

Love is not always enough. I am living proof. I have recently had to let the love of my life go after 2 years. He hurt me so many times in so many ways. It is true that the people we love the most are capable of hurting us more than anyone. Well, he cheated, and for me that was the end. I still cry sometimes, it's only been 2.5 months. It hurts like hell but infidelity is unforgivable. I have never loved anyone as much as him, but I love me more. You need to decide what is worth more to you, your well-being alone, or your well-being with him. That's my advice. We can only take so much pain.

I don't know the whole story, but here's some advice. Take a day off, away from your job, boyfriend, everything. then take about 3 hours (yes, 3) to THINK. Reach down into your own mind and pull out the answers. Don't let emotion get in the way. actually, scratch that. Think about your emotions, but don't let them overwhelm you. Trust me, when the 3 hours are up, you should have a clear understanding of everything. If you don't, hang in there.

Sorry to hear about your love life.Been their,done that.<br />
Here is the deal,you love your guy so much regardless,<br />
make some positive changes in you,and for your own self esteem.Time to build your self up my dear,and only<br />
you can make this happen with the right support.There<br />
are great support organizations out there,and remember,only you can help you.One step at a time,Jackie.