I Can't Take It Anymore......

I have been hurt all of my life I know woe is me everyone has blah blah blah...but yet I dust off and try again...yet I never learn...I begin to think maybe I don't deserve to be loved or am just doomed to be alone...Sometimes I feel like I want it to all end and I want to push forward but something always holds me back. I was engaged  and my fiance beat me and abused me so bad I felt a part of me died. I met an amazing guy the man I imagine having a home and kids with but that has been rough...I cought him lying to me and the thing is even when he lies to me I believe him...I am so hurt by him but I love him so much it hurts inside. I don't want to be made a fool again I do not think I could handle the pain. I Have noone...my parents don't get me nor do they care to I have  me...just me and I used to be such a strong girl. and I don't think I can take anyomre hurt...I feel like quitting and giving up  on everything...do I try to destroy what we have toavoid being hurt by him or do I ride it out till te end and try to beat the odds? I feel it should be  so much easier this time around but it's so much harder the more you love somoeone...I wish I could shut off my feelings and not care I would love that...or just DIE...and have everyone leave me alone...I am sick of being hurt OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER>>>>>