Hopefully Ambivalent

I'm not pregnant right now, but my husband really wants us to have a baby. I just turned 36 and am finally beginning to feel that maternal itch that makes me think about what it would be like to have a child almost every day. I am going for a full fertility screening in a few weeks to make sure that everything is in order.

How do all you mommies out there get over the anxieties about carrying, birthing and raising a child? It's seems like such an awesome responsibility. Sometimes the thought terrifies me. I worry that I won't be healthy enough during gestation - I've had hormonal imbalances that have caused me to have depression before. What if I become depressed while with child? Can you take antidepressants? Also, will labor be as horrible as I think it will? Then are the first few weeks awesome or really diffucult? The baby is so tiny and totally dependent.

But, I often look with envy at families with babies and children. I imagine that Christmas is really fun. All of those milestones (first words, first steps, etc.) must be really gratifying. Also, I'm tired of thinking only of myself all the time. It might be relieving to have someone else to worry about and care for.

Anyway, as you can see, I'm still a bit on the fence, but really want to dive in and go for it. I've just got some fears and concerns. I guess that's normal...right?

siren1971 siren1971
36-40, F
9 Responses Oct 15, 2007

Pregnancy is very traumatic on a woman's body. Don't let anybody kid you. I'll tell you what I tell my own daughter: Adopt. Sooo many children need mommies. You will love them just as much. I promise. And you keep your body healthy. Good luck :)

I can't believe I just typed a long reply and then somehow lost it! Sigh.<br />
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Anyway, just wanted to reassure you that 36 is not old for having a baby. I was never going to have children and then at 37 fate decided I was. I sailed through pregnancy without any complications (not even morning sickness or lethargy) and even the birth was fine. <br />
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On a practical note, there are hypnotherapy cds you can use if you are nervous about the birth. I used Natal Hypnotherapy for about 5 weeks before the birth and I'm sure it helped me a great deal. It reinforces that birth is a perfectly natural process and that you just have to let your body get on with it.<br />
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Good luck with whatever you decide to do (or what fate decides for you!)

Please don't. My mom had me at 36. Think of how old you will be when your child graduates highschool. You won't be around when they are older. I am 25 and alone. Please realize you should have thought about having a child at a younger age...don't be selfish and do what you want and then decide at an older age you want children. You have a good chance of having a baby with a problem as well, as the risk is like 1 in 80 I think.

I am an ABC News reporter looking for women who are afraid of pregnancy...or who had a birth trauma and are afraid to get pregnant again. If you can share with me, please e-mail susan.james@abc.com or 212-456-4875.

It sounds so romantic , when I hear people talking like this, that you will love a child so much that all the strifes fall to the side. <br />
I am petrified I might be pregnant right this moment. I am living in a foreign country,...and yesterday i went out and bought the morning after pill. I have til the end of the day to take it......but i have totally confusing feelings- and am scared to take it as I am quite a bit older- 44 and am scared to also take it as i might be stopping a chance in a lifetime?<br />
If i was with someone i loved, this would not be a consideration...but it is the other way round, that the person i may be pregnant with, loves me more than i love him....but he wants a baby so much - and i told him i will take the emergency contraception and he was so upset he cried....<br />
he is a poor artist! and I cn't believe him that he will be able to provide for the child.<br />
Am i just scared of living life and dealing with whatever comes my way?<br />
I am terrible at handling stress and can't help thinking that being childless for the rest of my life might be absolutely fine.<br />
i am so confused....but i would rather take the morning after pill than have to have an abortion further down the line. It happened before last year, and i had a miscarriage, but there is a nagging feeling i have inside that perhaps i should allow nature to take its course and decide for me if i can't make the decisions.

If you love children then just do it. Don't worry about the pain of delivery because as a mother of 2 I will say this whenthe doctor lays that perfect little person in your arms and you look into there eyes It is just soooo right I have never loved anyone like I love my kids and yes you do struggle with life and all its stresses but you make due with what you got and keep trying everyday. Everyday I fail my kids in one way or another but every day i get up and think i want to be the best mommy i can be today:) that is all anyone can do Good Luck to YOU

Hi There! <br />
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I completely understand how you feel. I have also suffered from depression and know how difficult it can be to take care of yourself and imagine taking care of a little one. Im thinking of having a family myself but im terrified of exactly the same things. In a way i feel better knowing that i am not the only person who has the same fears. <br />
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As for taking medications while you are pregnant i have known some women who have and some who have had to for their safety. So its really a personal choice. You may want to seek out other methods to alleviate depression, working out is a good one, what you eat also can affect mood. If you start these things now you can be stronger when you do become pregnant. Personally i plan to hire a Doula to help me with my pregancy and birth, ive heard great things about it and there are some that will even help you two weeks after the birth with cooking and cleaning, of coarse this comes with a cost but i personally i think it would be worth it any help and support would be wonderful. Anyhow i hope that this has helped you somewhat...take care

I've always heard that labor is one of the most empowering experiences a woman can have. As to whether or not it will hurt, I'm sure it will unless you get the drugs. <br />
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As to the fears and concerns I'm sure every mother has them. I have them all the time, but I'm committed to making sure that I can do everything in my power to have a healthy baby. <br />
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When you get pregnant, discuss all of your fears with your doctor. It might not make them go away, but it will let you get them off your chest and get an educated opinion on them. <br />
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As to whether or not you can take anti-depressants, I don't think you can. From what I've read (And I've read a lot) a lot of medicine can be bad for the baby. <br />
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Good luck when you do get pregnant, and happy motherhood!

There's really nothing anyone can tell you to make all of those fears go away. You just need to be willing to handle whatever comes your way. If you are committed to your health during the pregnancy, its amazing how the body responds. I had depression before and after my pregnancy. I stopped antidepressants while I was pregnant and starting seeing a therapist. I had no problems with depression whatsoever during the pregnancy. Just the usual fears and concerns. Make sure you trust your doctor and can get in touch with them when you need to. Check out the facility where you plan to deliver - for some reason, knowing where it was all going to "go down" made me feel more prepared for the actual birth.