I Didn't Realize...

How deep my fear ran until this past weekend... I have had moments in the past where I felt a twinge of fear, but was able to block it out... But this weekend, oh lordy lordy... My fear reared it's ugly head big time and I was forced to face it..

My guy took me horseback riding in the Badlands, no big deal.. I was enjoying myself and the scenery.. I had moments of fear when we were riding along these narrow paths and there was a sheer drop to one side of me... I just tried not to let my peripheral vision get the best of me and guided my horse to the hillside as tight as possible..  It wasn't until we were riding on the top of this specific butte and it was an extremely narrow path about 4ft acrossed with a shear drop on either side.. All I kept thinkin' was one step this way or that away and I would be a gonner.. I made it acrossed one, tryin' to have faith in my guide, my ridin' skills and my horse.. Once I made it safely acrossed I realized I would have to cross an even longer stretch of dirt.. I couldn't do it.. I started shaking, my arms, legs, I couldn't breathe, and my heart was racing a mile a minute.. I thought if I attempted to cross my horse would pick up on the panic and I'd surely die.. My guy was tryin' to talk me out of it and tellin' me to trust him.. It wasn't him I didn't trust, I think it was the lack of control.. If I crossed I would have no control over what would happen.. It would be up to my horse.. With these thoughts racing through my mind I was tryin to fucus on breathing.. First time in my life I thought I'd pass out.. I was getting light headed and was gonna go *** over *** off my horse.. Thank god for my guy he saw my distress and the tears welling up in my eyes... He then went off to find a safe way down the cliff side.. I then had to trust him again.. Thank I god I did, cuz otherwise I woulda' been stuck up there..  After this experience I realized how deep my fear ran... Never again will I ever do that.. Hell no!!!! lol 

CaliGirl3 CaliGirl3
36-40, F
3 Responses May 13, 2009

dvijay... I dunno... lol.. I tried, that's all I can say... It was an awful experience.. Not one I'd like to do again...<br />
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WTWF.... I feel yer pain... *hugs*... I too had that experience.. Headin' up to Yosemite and I was in the passenger seat.. I couldn't handle the fact that we were driving along cliffs... Nothing but a sheer drop outside of my door.. That view scared the crap outta me.. I kept thinkin' one little twitch of the steering wheel and I'm a gonner.. That was one hell of a trip.. I couldn't get far enough away from that window.. Have you over come yer fear??? If so let me know how you did it...

That fobia of heights is horrible.No way to control it.<br />
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But hats off to you,at least you tried to conqurr it.Be trying step by step and you may overcome it.

Next weekend we will be back up there trying it again to get your trust in you and your trust in your horse..lmao I am sorry but I will not scare you that bad again for this month hmmm but maybe next month or hmmm the month after that and make you wonder what the hell am I doing with this crazy SOB. lmao ok maybe I will wait 6 months........lol ok maybe a year.........hmmmm let me think maybe maybe hmmmm let me ask your horse if he wants to take you back there again....lmao ok ok I will be nice and just love you for you and let you decide if you ever want to try that again...........love you Cali...........