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I Never Knew

i was losing you. right before my eyes, you were fadeing. i didnt know how to stop it. i didnt know you would come to me in hopes of staying alive. i was afraid to let you see how i loved you. i thought you had been hurt by time and loss but now i know you were dying. and i was balancing your life on three little words. i wanted to tell you how much i loved you. my heart broke when i saw you arizona. god it hurt me so bad to see you so frail. it hurt so bad to know you were hurting. i wanted to tell you i love you. to kiss you and to hold you and tell you what you needed to hear. i was afraid i was losing you but afraid if i told you i still loved you that you would leave anyways. that i would still lose you and be hurt again. i would die. like you would have died. that night that i held you against me and i felt your breathing labor in your chest, i saw you wince in pain. i held your thinning body agianst mine. i had to tell you. i couldnt hold it back any more. i love you. that moment i said it with all i had. you told me you loved me too. and that moment like the first time we met it didnt matter if you hurt me again. it didnt matter if you wer gone the next second because i just knew that i needed to say it. i needed to let you know that i ment it. i needed to love you. probably more than you will ever know. and then i felt the few tears fall i knw that something had broken. some wall preventing me from you had crumbled. all i wanted was to hold you. i didnt know what to do besides love you. and love you and love you. i would never have imagined it was enough. i didnt lose you. it was and is my worst fear. losing you. i didnt know i was so close to the moment i feared most untill you told me. and arizona... i love you. never never forget that. i love you more than you will know.
DarkAmber DarkAmber 18-21, F Oct 1, 2010

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