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Everyday

I'm scared.. I need reassurance every day! I'm always afraid that either I'll fall out of love.. or someone will take their love away from me. Even after hearing someone say it.. It's hard for me to believe that they will always feel that way, or that I'll always feel that way. I'm scared that I'll become loveless one day... I know my mother will always love me.. I'm not scared of losing her love... Although there was a point were I thought her love for me had changed.. after I came out to her. But it is mostly in relationships. I don't want to be the needy type.. but I want to hear it ALL the time... I know my girlfriend gets tired of constantly saying it... It's like I'm afraid in the next minute or second it will change. I guess that's where my insecurity comes in.. I'm afraid that I'm going to say or do something to make the love turn cold. I wish I could just be myself with my love...instead of constantly worrying about her leaving me... for something stupid. I know I must be pushing her away with this kind of behavior. I'm emotional and needy! If you don't tell me or show me you love me numerous times a day.. I get doubts about if our love is real... if it's going to last.. if your the one for me... I am LOVE starved.. I can't get my fill... and it's not fair to my partner, I know.

I wish I could just feel secure in other people's love for me... but I don't know.. it takes A LOT of proving rather than just saying on their part. I need proof. I was told I was loved but never shown by a lot of people.. and maybe it might sound like I'm spoiled...

I had a psychic reading done with one of my exes... The psychic told me.. I was meant to find a lot of loves in the lifetime, but never to keep. And that is very discouraging to think about... but has been proven true. But has it been on my own account.. that I haven't been able to keep love? idk... I'm working harder than I ever have to keep holding on to my current relationship.. when before I would have thrown in the towel. I'm wondering how long this will last.. I'm still expecting it to end.

I've been told your fears come true... If I keep being afraid that I'm going to lose love... It's going to happen. I just want to be secure... I'm scared everyday.. every minute..and it's horrible. I don't want lose love again.. I know it's just a natural thing that's bound to happen... I just want to be loved..and I want to be told ALL the time.. until my fear subsides.. I want it to be proven so I can really believe it.. I need to believe in love...

I'm like a little girl.. saying please don't leave me!! I get so scared that I'm going to lose love.. that I leave before love can leave me.. Never knowing if it would have been  the one to stay.

QueenOfHearts QueenOfHearts 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 5, 2009

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I see this was a long time ago so I would wonder how it's going for you if you still get this posts comments. Just from what I read your fear could actually lead to your loosing love due to the behavior that fear could cause. Love is like a garden that needs tending but if it leads to jealousy, insecurity, being overly clingy or other problems then that would be like putting weeds in the garden...LOL Best of luck

Hugs!! ;)

Awww I LOVE you analogy of comparing love to a garden.. It makes perfect sense... I agree with you. Thank you for your insight, dear friend. XxX<br />
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I want it... believe me I want it... I just get lazy, and let the weeds take over sometimes. ;) Your a beautiful soul, thank you for sharing Kindal!

***HUGS Kindal*** That is my hope, my dear. I am one who is constantly tortured by all that love is...and isn't. <br />
But yes, If I'm lucky enough, maybe. Do you believe that love is for some to find and keep... but not for ALL?<br />
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Thank you.... as the "bad girl" personification melts away. LOL ;)