All my life, Ive been alone. My father killed himself while I was a child, causing my mom into a depression. I was alone at night. Never comforted, never feeling loved or wanted. I grew up practically raised by my grandfather. He was the man in my life I loved and looked up too, and when I turned 6 years of age. He was diagnosed with cancer. I didnt know, not until it was so bad he was in the hospital. Not long after he had gotten me the puppy I had longed for on my 7th birthday, and the golden locket with pink flowers (my favorite color). He passed. He couldnt bare it anymore, and when my grandmother left the hospital room, he pulled the plug keeping him alive. I lost the only thing I loved. Me and my mom always fight, it never really stops. Shes bipolar and takes no medicene. She over reacts over every little thing and it drives me crazy. When I was 13, i fell head over heels in love with this 15 year old. My friends brother. We dated for a year and a half, the whole time he abused me, and hit me. Even tried raping me. Everytime I though I would lose him. I was so scared. Thats when. I met my friend (fake name) Mark. He told me what my ex was doing, helped me open my eyes. Needless to say the next year I spent with mark I fell for him too...only to lose him to another girl. Ive had many losses in my life, these are just a few. They are literally heart breaking. My dog that my grandfather got me is now dying of cancer, my mom is slowly losing her sanity, and through all this I have one guy. This guy, I just fell for when I met him. We knew each other for 6 months, and dated 2 of them. We fell in love, and Im not afraid to say it because its true. He took my virginity after about the 6 month of knowing each other. I felt it was right, Ive never felt that right before. Not even with my exes. He never talks to other girls, he surprises me at my doorstep with cookie dough and such while Im on my period, hes the picture perfect guy, and weve been dating almost a year now...but for some reason I tell myself Im going to lose him like everything else Ive ever loved. And I am so terrified because, i love him. He even asked me to marry him, and I said yes. But Im so scared that every little argument, or any other girl may walk in his life thats better than me, and Ill lose him. I hate how I think because I cry myself to sleep almost everynight. And i personally cant take it anymore. :(
JustPlainScared JustPlainScared
18-21, F
Aug 16, 2014