Terribly Afraid Of Men

I've been very afraid of men since I can remember. I did have abuse from my parents in every way, but sexually. I did have a bad encounter with a female nurse, or whatever she was around 4 yrs old. My mom was concerned my Dad's dad did something to me because when I was little I'd scream when he'd pick me up. Idk I do not know why I'm so scared of them, but I have these aweful fears that I'm being watched, stalked, tapped phone, staring at me, want to do aweful things to me. Ahh! Idk where it comes from. I just feel helpless and want to get away when I feel one is to interested in me like looking/stairing just idk. Now certain ones I know more so I'm not nervous of them, but I would maybe if I was alone with them. This guy was hitting on me and I was in every way except saying it that I wanted him to go away, leave me alone. He even asked me if I was afraid of men. I said no. Pft.. like I'm gona say yeah I feel like a scared little girl all the time who just wants to hide in the shelter of someone's arms, or someting. :''( I'm just so scared I hide in my house sometimes to avoicd even basic contact with ppl in general because it is easier and I don't have to be nervous. I want a job, but I'm so scared!!! :O( I hate feeling this way. I'm 39 years old. I just wish I knew why.:'/
littleblacksheepgirl littleblacksheepgirl
36-40, F
2 Responses May 23, 2012

I think you are antisocial, im like this too and i hate being around people because i feel like im going to embarris myself

i am sorry not all men are like that or at least i am not<br />
but i know how i feel the 2 i fell inlove with were killed early so i have been afraid all my life to cause the death of others

Oh I'm sorry.:(