Freaked Out By Men

Men scare me. I don't know why. On a conscious level, I know that they're human just like me. A lot of them are lovely and very nice. I get along with men better than I do with women sometimes.
They start talking to me and as long as I think they're just being friendly, I remain bubbly and cheerful and conversant.
But the moment one of them looks at me in a romantic/sexual way, I get so freaked out that I want to run screaming from the room. I can't speak, I feel like they're looking at me like a piece of meat, I close up mentally.
Like the other day, I was asked out by this guy. I was so traumatized by the experience because he was kind of forward, telling me how beautiful I was etc. Basically I'm petrified to meet him and actually burst out crying yesterday because of it. Now surely that is not right.

I've had dreams where I've been in bed with some random guy and he's stifling me by wrapping his arms and legs around me. Every time I pry his arms or legs loose he just wraps them around me tighter until I'm feeling completely suffocated.

19/08/2014 Update:
Hi everyone, I don't know if you'll read this post, but I wanted to say that I'm overwhelmed by your responses.I tried responding to every single post, but there were too many (I'm sorry).

I think we can safely say that we're not alone, and not weird for feeling this way.I cannot tell you how sad and grieved I am to read your stories. The world is so broken and we bear the wounds and scars of that brokenness.

I want to say one last thing. I wrote this years ago, and I'm older and more experienced now. I want to say that all men are not pigs (I used to think that). We've been hurt and betrayed by people who are pigs (who happen to be men). I think that's a huge difference.

There is no storybook ending for me. I'm not married or in a relationship, but in my life, I've been so surprised by how many men have reacted with gentleness, love and sadness when I told them my story. They didn't want to sleep with me, or mess with me. They were just my friend. It's a long, winding and difficult journey, but there is hope.
LostTraveller LostTraveller
26-30, F
38 Responses May 24, 2007

Thank you so much for posting have no idea how much it has helped me to know someone else feels the same way I do!

I have always gotten along with girls better than guys. I have always had more girl friends than guys, it's always 1 or 2 guys. And even now that i am a college freshman, nothing has changed ever since elementary and beginning of middle school. Now there are only at most 2 guys i've come to be friends with. While the rest, i can't let myself to come to talk and socialize with them either in a crowd or not. They ask why, and i kniw they don't know but i'm just scared of them. There's no reason to it. I'm scared to the point that i shut down on myself. And then there's the 2 guys who i find myself comfortable around them. They don't know me or my past, but i'm sure i can't change the way i cower around them. My past makes me who i am today and i'm sure that if my dad didnt abuse me back then, then i would have been a different person today.

I've never been abused or inappropriately touched by any man, and I honestly have more guy friends the girl friends, but when I'm with one or more guys that I don't know and/or trust and theres not a guy that I absolutely trust there with me, I get really really really uncomfortable and scared. I don't know why. I have major anxiety so that might be one cause. It sucks because it affects me in a lot of ways everyday.

Sounds like a past life issue. Have you ever checked that out? Some people carry issues or negative impacts with previous experiences (lives) and can't explain why, because their childhood didn't bring that type of trauma.

Same exact feelings. It's frustrating since I'm also so afraid of being alone. This has also led me to think twice about sexuality, which is extremely confusing in itself. All around frustrating, confusing and unpleasant :(

Hi sigridgrace, thank you for responding so openly to my post. I'm amazed at the number of responses, because I thought that I was weird. Do you mind me asking if you've had particular experiences that caused you to feel that way? Feel free to message me privately if you want.

Hello ladies. I'm a guy and I'm actually scared of men. That's how I found this site. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, being rejected by both parents (my mother was an alcoholic who transferred her disdain for her father onto me). Outside of home, most encounters with males (boys or men) led to abuse (physical or emotional), rejection or being hit-on, including by men in positions of authority over me. Like many of you, I too was sexually assaulted, in my case by two other boys at a bus stop. I'm grown now, and all of my close friends are women. I'm just not able to be close to any men. In fact, men strangers, especially in groups, scare me. I respect women and really enjoy just being friends with them. But I know I have issues. Any thoughts? thank you.

Dear rodent999, thank you so much for baring your soul in your response to my post. I cannot tell you how incredibly sad and sorry I am to read of your experiences. We live in a very broken world. How have you coped with living with this? Do your friends know what happened?

My closest female friends know what happened. A lot of times, I just need to withdraw and be alone. I avoid situations where I feel uncomfortable, like anywhere where there are groups of men I do not know other than at work or church related events. Even in those, I sometimes experience anxiety. Funny, I often feel safe and secure hiking alone in a wilderness area, but not when walking in front of a construction site on a busy a road. My Christian faith helps me.

P.S. (after my response below)
I can totally understand why you would respond to one of the ladies below that men suck. It's something that I have to challenge myself on every day.

You know why? Because if a guy came to me and said that all women are shallow, manipulative *******, I would say, "I'd hope I'm not!". I'd guess that the guy has had some really horrible experiences and not met some of the lovely women I know :)

I've had really horrible experiences with men, over and over again.
And I've thought, "All men are objectively terrible". But it's so complicated. Because I grew up around certain types of men, being around abusive men is "normal" for me, and I get very suspicious when a "nice" man approaches me. I automatically think he's an arsehole and I push him away.

It's really easy to tar them all with the same brush "they're all arseholes" because then I don't have to think about being vulnerable, and I reject them before they reject me (so I think!).

You have daughters. Do you love them? Treat them with respect and gentleness? That's the best thing you can do for your daughters! If only your father had loved you in the same way.

I don't know what your situation is, but I want you to know that your story touched me and grieved me. I wish I could give you a hug as your friend.

I'm probably over protective of my son around other boys. But I'm scared for my daughters around boys, especially now that they are interested in them. However, my daughters are black belts in tae kwon do...

1 More Response

I'm afraid of guys too... Growing up, I was molested by guy after guy and I'm nothing but objectified because of my body. I hate that I couldn't enjoy my childhood and still can't. I flinch at guys, can't stand to be by one and I freak out if they so much as even touch my arm. My biggest fear is being raped because all I know is that guys will hurt me. I have my moments that I want to show of my body but I always have that wall that puts a strain on it or if I do I end up regretting it. I wish I wasn't like this.

I am sorry you have gone through that. You didn't deserve that. I will pray for you. Sometimes guys just suck.

Hi MoniAuraai, reading through your post, I felt like you'd reached into my brain and written what goes through my head. When I was in high school, I used to have extreme reactions where I'd either shout at guys to go away or just freeze in terror. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. There aren't any words I can write down. I just want to give you a hug, and tell you not to lose hope. Does anyone close to you know what happened to you?

Add a response...

I am also afraid of men. I don't know what it is or how to fix it. I am still inhigh school but its not just one of those high school terrors or anything. I was molested and possibly raped by my dad when i was a kid. Now everytimei am around guys i have panick attacks and die on the inside. I can't take it anymore, i just want to be normal and be able to be around guys. I have gotten so depressed a couple times that i have considered suicide. don't worry i have surpassed that mostly, sometimes i still think its the way out but i have never tried it and never will.bearound

My dear kitkat, you've reached into my head and written the thoughts that I've also had in my life. I've also thought about and tried to commit suicide. When your father betrays you like that, it breaks you. I don't know what it's like for you, but I understand a lot. I don't usually access this site which is why it's been a while and I haven't responded. Please write back to show me that you're still here.

I think the majority of us have had some very horrible experiences with men, bad relationships, bad marriage. I know I was molested over several years. However, I cannot totally blame my past for my fear. I think a large part of it comes from the Media and the social upbringing of girls in general. We are basically told to get married and have babies. We are told if we go on a date to be careful because they only want to get in our pants and rape us. We are told never to go anywhere alone, to be afraid of men. Don't dress like that or you will have bad men around. Most of us had fathers who were there, but not really there. Yes they sat at the dinner table and yelled at us for being bad but generally nothing else. Not sure about today's parents, but y parents never discussed anything. Almost all of society thinks that we women cannot do or achieve anything without a man. Heck we still don't get the same rights or pay as men and if we want to talk about these types of wrongs we are labeled a ***** or a man hater. Society teaches us that there is something "wrong" with us or that we are automatically labeled as possibly gay if we don't have a man in our lives. It took me years to learn to like myself to be confident and to be alone. Lots of my friends tried to hook me up with guys because they didn't want me to be alone. what is wrong with being alone? I mean I have tons of married friends who cannot do anything or go anywhere unless they check with their husband or they have to be home to cook dinner. How is that any better? I hear them complain how they had to have sex just to placate their husbands to make them happy. Why? A few of them spout religion or a womens duty to her husband, I think what a crock of crap. Really, if I don't want to have sex I am not having it (Honey, here is the lotion and a clicker for the **** channel, have fun, I am going to bed). I have now (at nearing 50) begun taking some self defense classes, boxing classes and thinking about purchasing a gun. So I am less scared and more confident of myself now. Not that I am abdicating the purchase of a gun or self defense classes, this is just what has worked for me. I feel more powerful that I can protect myself so I don't have to be that afraid. I have a good job and I am going to college. I feel good about myself now then I have the 50 years before. It wasn't just my fear of men, but fear of myself, of not liking who I am, of not being able to find my needs and wants or define myself as a women. Again, society doesn't like women who are alone and/or successful. Now that I have I am more comfortable with myself and my confidence, I may actually thinking about dating again but on my terms, my way. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you all find your own happiness and overcome your fears.

As our society has gone to hell, women are not respected. In fact, many men are hooked on **** and, I think, just look at women as sex toys. All men are not like that. I'm not like that. In fact, all of my closest friends are women. But I am scared for my daughters and how they will be treated. However, they both do have black belts in taekwondo and one participated in a shooting club.

**** - p o r n

Thank you Kippie. I'm glad that you found a way to feel like you're somewhat in control of your body.
I empathise with you, thinking that society doesn't like strong and successful women.
I think that's true to some extent, but I also think that we put up barriers as a defense against what happened to us, and we project feelings onto men. We think that they suck and that they don't like alone/successful women, because the thought of being vulnerable is too scary to contemplate. Well, that's my opinion anyway :) That's what I've found in myself.

Yeah, I'm scared of men too. Molested by my brother when I was 2 1/2. Made fun of by boys starting from kindergarten through, um, now. Had ONE boyfriend when I was 39, and basically he was a manchild. He always dated older women, because his parents split when he was 12-13 and I think he's always been looking for mom (a woman to take care of him and pat him on the head when he thinks he does something cool) and a woman who will have sex with him.

Men rarely notice me. I'm fat and nerdy-looking, and men do not ask me out. But I think if I were thin, I still would not be asked out. I've dated a few guys in my life, but I'm really tired. Tired of acting all sorts of ways (including being 'myself' which fails, because men don't want the "real" me either) and still having men look right through me or not noticing me at all if I need help in a store or something. I see couples frequently in one of my many jobs, and I wonder how they ended up with each other, because I think both of them are hideous. One of my college friends went through two husbands AND had an affair while married to her second husband, and he STILL would not leave her, and she is incredibly unattractive. Not that I'm beautiful or anything, but her teeth were literally rotting right out of her head and she's overweight and doesn't look feminine at all.

So I don't know. I'm scared of men, but it would be nice to have a man friend to hang out with from time to time. There's a guy at another one of my jobs, and he complimented me on my hair about two weeks after I got it cut and said it was very flattering. I smiled and thanked him. But I couldn't believe it, because men NEVER say anything like this. He knows that I write and he asked me about that, so I gave him one of my books. We talk every time he comes into the office (it's a work room for those of us who don't have our own offices) and it's getting so I have a huge crush on him. Of course, he's married. It's really unfair that the guys I am attracted to are gay or married. And I'm really tired of people saying, "maybe you should try women." I just want men to not be such ******** and to not be mean to me. Why should I try and be sexual just to have them like me? I feel really uncomfortable with my sexuality and never liked wearing lingerie, although I bought it when I was with my boyfriend. I never wear it anymore because why bother?

The thing is, even if I lost a bunch of weight and had plastic surgery where I wanted it, I'd still feel like I wasn't worth anything to any man. Now, I just want to go back to school to get another degree and hopefully earn more money so I can sock some of it away and not feel like I'm such a loser. If I have a job I love and a bunch of money, I think that will be enough. Sad to feel this way at 46, but men are like some horrible math problem. I've tried everything I can think of in order to solve it (and yes, I'm seeing a therapist) but NOTHING seems to work. I tell people men hate me, and instead, I'm getting blank looks or the "have you tried women" speech. **** that! People say I consciously fall for men who are attached because I don't want a relationship. I'm like no, it's just that the single men out there seem gross to me and totally unattractive.

And I'm totally in love with this guy who complimented me on my hair and asked about my writing. It's incredibly frustrating and unfair, because this guy turns me on like no other. He seems very respectful and polite and kind and intelligent (as well as very appealing to me) and I just want to cry sometimes. He's married and I don't want to interfere with that. But sometimes the way he looks at me seems very earnest and intense. He even shared with me that he is OCD and was hospitalized for it and even lost a full-time job because of it.

Anyway, I'm so glad you posted your story and I'm glad/sad to see the responses. I'm SO GLAD that I am not alone in feeling this way. I'm a woman, and supposedly I have "power" but sometimes I think it's just the beautiful women who have the power. I couldn't seduce a man to save my soul.

Stay strong ladies! I gave myself a talk years ago and said "get on with your life; make some money, and just deal with it, because you may never meet anyone." A couple months later, I met my first boyfriend. It was okay for a very brief while, but at least I learned some things that I should have learned a long time ago. And I've just accepted the fact that I have bad luck with men and to just deal with it. Sad, but I think I have to face facts and accomplish other things besides getting married. I REFUSE to go out with someone dirty (my boyfriend hardly ever washed his hands, and I ended up with more UTIs while I was with him than I've ever had in my ENITRE life up until that point) and I had to bug him to wash his hands before he touched me. I wish things would have worked out differently, but I think he's going to be alone too. He's too stubborn to change and work on stuff that is easy to deal with (clean his house so it doesn't stink; improve his hygiene/diet, etc.) because few women want to put up with that. And because I was so inexperienced, I stayed with him for the longest out of all his relationships, I think. And I could suggest that we become **** buddies and he would leap at that, but it just sounds disgusting and I don't want to do that and risk the same old same old and getting UTIs again.

Men. There are times when I wish I could push a button and make them all disappear.

well, here is my story. i don't even know if i am really that attractive or just because men are perverts themselves. well, i had many weird things happen to me in my daily interaction with guys. I have trust issues so i don't even think about dating any guy. but well they are ok to be friends with (only small amount of them) but they do tease me in sexual way sometimes. and i met some freaks who stare at me like something that they want to eat. it's so disgusting and scary. i know what's in the guy heads when he stares at me. it makes me want to vomit and just become invisible or something. guys like to scare me also. they are interested in making me feel scared. they also sometimes act like they know everything in the world and i am an innocent helpless stupid girl who knows nothing even though well i am confident that i am intelligent girl. and they know that too but they dont want to admit it because of their freaking giant bullshit ego. i feel violated if they touch my arms or my body. i feel violated with touch from anybody anyway. I really have lots of issues in life already so i don't wanna date because i know dating can contribute to more stress anyway, some guys even pretend to rape me anyway. what the hell they are thinking. and i am not a ****. not at all. i never wear exposed clothes in my life. never flirts with any guy, never tell sexual jokes or anything sexual with any guy. i know i met maybe just 1 or 2 really nice gentlemen but that doesn't change my point of view on guys. they are just so terrible. i really don't wanna have anything to do with are scary and violent also. they hold me down, talk me down. there was a guy that came out of nowhere and suddenly hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. i was so shocked that i couldn't do anything about that. there was a guy friend asked me straight out if i was a virgin. what? can't trust men at all

Oh wow! Reading this was like reading something dictated directly from my brain. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to say I have a phobia of men, because they're generally okay. The moment they want more than friendship though everything changes. It's in their eyes when they start looking at you differently, their stance changes, and everything becomes a bit claustrophobic. I feel more exposed in these moments then I ever did in the locker room or bathhouse.

The first time I went to a bar I looked around in wonder, just taking in the sites from my little corner. The next thing I know this guy comes out of nowhere and touches my arm. He introduces himself and says he noticed my stare and that he'd be 'over there' if I wanted to 'talk'. Everything blinked out and all I could feel was his hand print on my arm. It was like my skin cells were infected, contaminating each other with a sickness that spread to my core. All I heard was "I saw your stare, I saw your stare, I saw your stare" and I thought "did I encourage this?" I was looking around the bar, not at specific people, and yet somehow this person got a different signal.

I was walking home and a guy started talking to me at a crosswalk. "I saw you, and you're really beautiful. May I introduce myself to you?" Everything went cold and it felt like there was a whirling in my brain. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My mouth said 'No thank you have a nice day' on autopilot and I sped walked the rest of the way home.

I know logically I shouldn't be afraid, but it terrifies me that I may be encouraging this attention unwittingly. I don't want it. I don't want people to look at me that way. I don't want to be told I look beautiful or for so-and-so to try and steal a kiss. I don't like it.

I saw a post saying "assert control" in this situation, but that's the problem. I don't want there to be a situation. I don't want Mr. Man to come anywhere near me or give me a second glance. I don't want to control him. I don't want him to compliment me or buy me a drink, I want to be left alone. I wish there was some color or symbol I could wear to say this.

Sometimes I wish I had a scar across my face so men wouldn't look at me that way.

I do want to get over this. I want to be able to fall in love and have a family one day. Unfortunately I don't have the money for therapy so I have to wait and just hope it doesn't get worse.

Reading this is like reading a page out of my own journal. I wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone, but I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!

Just the other day, I was trying to explain to my mom how I don't like to be hit on by guys. It makes me excruciatingly uncomfortable and I have no idea why. We went to this fast food restaurant and the guy behind the counter said something to the effect of "So I hear you like to cook? Maybe you could teach me a few things someday. You're beautiful by the way" (my mom, who had just paid for her food, had apparently took it upon herself have a full blown conversation about me to this random strange man). I promptly start digging around in my purse, for God knows what...I think I was just trying to hide my trembling hands, and I say "Um yeah, yeah sure. Whatever" and basically bolt for the booth where my mom is sitting.

So I politely ask my mom, and not for the first time, to stop trying to set me up with every decent looking guy she ecounters. I tell her that I don't like it when guys approach me in a 'romantic' manner because it creeps me out. In a way I've always felt that all men are creepy until proven...non-creepy. It's almost gotten to the point where I'm afraid to enter places by myself because I know that there's a great chance that I'll be hit on and I'll have no one to hide behind.

Not that I think I'm particularly attractive or anything but I simply understand that most guys will approach anything with boobs and a vagina. And seeing as I possess both of those's only natural that I be hit on from time to time. I completely understand that and yet, everytime it happens, I'm struck with an odd mixture of fear and annoyance.

I just want to walk in my local grocery store, pay for my items, and return to the safety of my own home (where my cat is patiently waiting for me) in peace. No, I don't want your number. No, I don't want to give you mine. No, I don't wanna meet you nowhere. No, I don't want none of your time (TLC anyone?).

Hopefully, I will get over this soon. I do want to date someday and I'm approaching that age (I'll be 24 this year) where my parents, family, and friends are starting to question whether I'll be an old maid for the rest of my life surrouned by cats.

I have the same exact feeling when it comes to being hit on. I dread it so much it' gotten to the point where I'll get angry and aggressive because I feel the only way to have them leave me alone is to this way. I fear that this mindset will prevent me from ending up with anyone. And I'm into dudes so yeah I would like to find someone I can be comfortable with and not scared. I'll be turning 24 this year and this fear of men has really limited me in the experience department. I know that the only way to overcome this fear is to stop running away from it because it could kill any chance any of us will have of finding someone awesome.

Might be time to think of girls? :-)

I wear a fake marriage ring. I never want to get involved with any man again outside work. It is better that they have some authority watching them. I have had horrible dating and marriage experiences. I wish they would not just exist.

OMG I do too! It helps me feel safe knowing that a guy will know that I am taken, I reccomend this method to anyone out there who is 100% sure they never want to be with someone.

Can I just say how good it is to know you are not alone out there. I am 37 and have suffered from this problem for the last 20 years. Fancy men, want a relationship - but once it gets beyond the first date or if the man starts looking at me sexually or becoming tactile I am out the door, run away - it takes all my will power to stay put, see the date through and then never see them again!!!

I am scared of guys as well.<br />
I hate the way men look at me and think of women as a meat. Men make me cringe...<br />
Its so hard to have a relationship... I am currently dating the sweetest guy who cares and would never hurt me... but my guard it up no matter what.... and he did nothing wrong.<br />
<br />
I also have a hard time with men thinking they can over power women... at work, mentally, physically and so on....<br />
i have so much hate against them its hard...<br />
<br />
I need guidance to help me heal and know it is ok to trust him( boyfriend), i just don't know how... <br />
I hate being this way.<br />
<br />
Does anyone know of a blog or a book that helps you through this issue.

If you know of a book let me know!

Firstly, I would like to say how wonderfully brave all you are, well done. But I have to add, I am a male in my 50s. I have a simular fear of drunk people but this is because of my own experiences as a child. Now for years I was unable to understand my fear. it was only though therapy that I was able to understand and work out what was going on for me. I say this because it can help talking to someone (therapist) You may have like I had/have an internal injured child that you need to take care off. For me this was very difficult to learn how to look after and love my innerchild.

I definitely feel the same way like most of you. I want to be loved and to be cherished and protected by a man, but I am just not sure if there is the kind of man a fantasize about out there. The men in real life scare me a lot and I don't like to look at them or be near them. Whenever I notice a guy staring at me, I feel like doing something impulsive to make him look away; like scratch my butt, smell my underarm, or spit like a man. Most men these days see women as a tool to satisfy their sexual desire. I hate men because of what has been done to me by men during childhood 4-7 yrs. of age. Sometimes I even wish I didn't had a pretty face that attracts men.

Wow, I have this problem to, and I am in my forties! My father used to beat my mother and me when I was young, and after that I was raped twice. After and during that time, the men I came across played head games, lied to me, et cetera. It's very tough trusting and being open to them. They're alright to work with or be friends with in a professional sense, but the minute one shows any romantic interest I run for the hills. Men don't seem to realize we women can feel their eyes when our backs are turned; it feels like two greasy, gray-green slugs are crawling up and down my body, worming under my clothes trying "to see what they can find out". It's a horrible feeling. They think they play us a compliment by staring us.<br />
<br />
I STRONGLY disagree.<br />
<br />
Men scare me to death. There's nothing to add. They seem barely above animals. They frighten me.

Wow, I have this problem to, and I am in my forties! My father used to beat my mother and me when I was young, and after that I was raped twice. After and during that time, the men I came across played head games, lied to me, et cetera. It's very tough trusting and being open to them. They're alright to work with or be friends with in a professional sense, but the minute one shows any romantic interest I run for the hills. Men don't seem to realize we women can feel their eyes when our backs are turned; it feels like two greasy, gray-green slugs are crawling up and down my body, worming under my clothes trying "to see what they can find out". It's a horrible feeling. They think they play us a compliment by staring us.<br />
<br />
I STRONGLY disagree.<br />
<br />
Men scare me to death. There's nothing to add. They seem barely above animals. They frighten me.

Me too :(<br />
Each time some guy approaches me it's like I completely change personality! I snap at him, am snide or downright rude -sometimes I really feel guilty afterwards because in most cases the guys didn't want to 'harm' me and are really confused by my agressive reaction.<br />
From when I was in gradeschool there were always a few boys picking on me -in 6th/7th grade it went so far that they kicked/pushed me around in the corridors, called insults after me (because of my red hair and boy-ish clothes) and when we were on a school trip there were a group of 17 year olds who broke in to our (my friends and my) room to stare and laugh at how ugly I am.<br />
I went to a psychologist because it was driving me to the edge and though, in building a routine, I have overcome most of my problems I'm still terrified of men.<br />
They make me feel like I have to be on guard non-stop, like just one sign of weakness would bring me back to the 'past'. <br />
It's unfortunate...there was one guy (really nice dude, totally non-threatening, couldn't harm a fly) who apparantly really liked me (with love confession and everything) but I pushed him away.<br />
Somehow I just can't think of them as anything else but brutal, pushy, sex-driven 'things' even though I really should know better. (There is only ONE male my age whith whom I'm kinda comfortable with :/ )

Agrees completely... Any outcome or change for you now??? This is exactly what im going through

omg i thought i AM the only one whose going through this im 17 yrs old and guys tell me im sexy and want to aproach me and such like yestarday out of a group of guys one wanted to talk to me i started tensing up my heart started beati engxtremly fast and i laughed at his face out loud when i sit next to a guy ulgy or not i start trembling and stuttering i really want to be in a relationship but its hard, when i see friends on mine with boyfriends or girlfriends im wishing it was me

Me too. I work at a store, and when I'm working there, I'm perfectly fine until they say I'm sexy or stare at me sexually. That creeps me out. If a cute guy asks for my number, I'll give it, but I'll also dodge his calls. It's not that I don't want to be afraid, I just get so scared. I don't know why. I don't believe in therapy and I also don't think I can just start trying to...face them. I try to have as little male friends as possible because I end up losing them when they say they like me romantically. I always say no. I just can't picture myself in any osrt of relationship and at the same time, I'm so lonely I could cry. It's frustrating!!

Me too!

I know how you feel but over the years my fear of normal men has just got less. Have met some genuinely nice and non-threatening men and have been friends with them. The intimacy thing though still freaks me out.

My father beat me up, my mom's friend put his hands up my shirt when I was really young, I'm scared of men in an intimate way. I don't let them come close because I'm afraid they'll see my weakness and take advantage of it.<br />
The guys I dated we're jerks and they always lied to me. That leads to my trust issues.<br />
I block them from coming close because they'll betray my trust.<br />
Then comes the worse part. The ones I could trust and made me feel like I was wrong about men, were my friends, they have girlfriends and I end up feeling so bad I move away not to cause any trouble. <br />
And once again I'm all alone and fearing men.

i feel the same way except i have a fear of older men like they are going to abuse me in some this day i am still slightly scared of my own father. i have no idea why i dont remember much of anything from wen i was born till i was about 4 wen i moved to idaho with my family except for a few flashbacks i had of happy times...can someone please give me a slight answer to why this may be it scares me to think that i may have been abused as a child and i just dont know

I thought i was the only one feeling this way, till i stumbled on a phobia site n it described me (and all of you) to a t. it's called Androphobia, but i cant seem to find much more about it. can anyone help?

This has been an increasing problem for me. I am afraid to go out at night. I am always afraid of men on the bus. I told my mom about this and she told me that when she was at university, she took a psychology class and they had an assignment where they had to write down something they thought was unusual about themselves. She said all but 3 of the women in the class wrote that they were afraid of men and they all thought this was very odd about themselves. <br />
I know my sister also shares the experience of this fear. It's hard not trusting people. It's so sad that so many women feel this way.

I have the same fears and anxiety whenever a guy speaks to me, sits near me and I am really not sure why. I agree and know as well "On a conscious level, I know that they're human just like me. A lot of them are lovely and very nice. I get along with men better than I do with women sometimes"<br />
<br />
Its not a fear of creepy guys, but anything in general. For example I had a guy sit next to me on a packed train because the seat became free, he commented on what I was reading in my newspaper and all i wanted to do was run. I froze up, couldn't look at him. He was not threatning at all, a good looking guy and was just really nice in hindsight, but i've noticed myself having this feeling more frequently and I think its really becoming a problem for me. Nothing bad has ever happened to me and I know there are some really good guys out there but I cannot get past this initial reaction. It happens with any I meet or if one speaks to me. When I've moved on or its 5 mins later the feeling subsides and then I'm left thinking about why I just didn't calm down and have a lovely chat and why I had the freaked out feeling initially. Its worrying as I would like to meet men and pursue a relationship, but if this is happening to me it can't be a good start!

I have the same thing unfortunately. I've had my share of creepy guy encounters. I grew up without a dad and for most of my life I've kind of steered clear of men in general. I'm 29 and I've never really been in a relationship. I know that there are great guys out there but I just get so freaked out when a guy has any romantic interest. I gave my number to a guy just last week cuz he seemed nice but I spent all of this week dodging his calls because the thought of being intimate with a guy started to freak me out. I know this is not normal and I feel like I'm missing out by not allowing love in my life out of fear. It's nice that there is a forum for people experiencing the same thing I am.

I take the bus all the time and there are a lot of creeps out there. My friend once saw this guy ************ in front of her. And then there are those creeps how stares at you and its the worst feeling in the world. Some would come up and talk to you and once I sat next to this guy who wont keep his hands to himself. It is so scary being in a situation like that. Some guys are normal, but I still cannot stand it when a guy looks at me in a certain way or call me names. It is so degrading for them to look at women that way. It is truly a sad thing.

No dobut men can be scary...try not to fear them tho cos it will control the way you behave around them, what u think about and what happens to you sub consicously will show in your consicous behaviour. <br />
<br />
I can relate to the feeling of unease and feeling ob<x>jectifid by men but i get it with some men not all...maybe you have intimacy issues, build on your self esteem and value yourself and hopefully you should'nt feel as panicy about men.

Ok WOW reading this described exactly how I feel. I get freaked out because I feel like a total freak because I react that way! I am so glad I am not the only one cos seriously, I was thinking that same kind of thing just before, how I forget they are human and think they just look at me like a piece of meat!

I can relate. I think often about how I'd like a real relationship one day, but I can't even look at a guy who has an obvious interest in me without becoming a bundle of near-panic

Hey, I totally have the same thing! My fear is more of a threatened feeling though. I am mostly scared of ones older than me or creepy guys. Like on the bus, I feel like every single older guy who looks at me is thinking about raping me or something. Or if I get an add on facebook buy a guy who goes to my school but I haven't met, I am totally freaked out. I guess I have just had multiple creepy guy experiences.. but anyway. It doesn't bother me because, you know.. I'm not into men.. but I shouldn't go through life avoiding them. So, you're not alone... I'm sure as the years go by you can forget your old experiences and move on.

Men scare me a lot.

I hope that you will talk to a therapist or a professional about this. I am not saying this to be offensive I am just wondering if something has happened to you in your past that you are blocking out that is causing this fear in you to be intimate. Sometimes there is an underlying reason for this fear and its buried so deep in your subconscious that you have totally blocked it out. Have you ever been hypmotised before?