Freaked Out By MenMen scare me. I don't know why. On a conscious level, I know that they're human just like me. A lot of them are lovely and very nice. I get along with men better than I do with women sometimes.
They start talking to me and as long as I think they're just being friendly, I remain bubbly and cheerful and conversant.
But the moment one of them looks at me in a romantic/sexual way, I get so freaked out that I want to run screaming from the room. I can't speak, I feel like they're looking at me like a piece of meat, I close up mentally.
Like the other day, I was asked out by this guy. I was so traumatized by the experience because he was kind of forward, telling me how beautiful I was etc. Basically I'm petrified to meet him and actually burst out crying yesterday because of it. Now surely that is not right.
I've had dreams where I've been in bed with some random guy and he's stifling me by wrapping his arms and legs around me. Every time I pry his arms or legs loose he just wraps them around me tighter until I'm feeling completely suffocated.
Hi everyone, I don't know if you'll read this post, but I wanted to say that I'm overwhelmed by your responses.I tried responding to every single post, but there were too many (I'm sorry).
I think we can safely say that we're not alone, and not weird for feeling this way.I cannot tell you how sad and grieved I am to read your stories. The world is so broken and we bear the wounds and scars of that brokenness.
I want to say one last thing. I wrote this years ago, and I'm older and more experienced now. I want to say that all men are not pigs (I used to think that). We've been hurt and betrayed by people who are pigs (who happen to be men). I think that's a huge difference.
There is no storybook ending for me. I'm not married or in a relationship, but in my life, I've been so surprised by how many men have reacted with gentleness, love and sadness when I told them my story. They didn't want to sleep with me, or mess with me. They were just my friend. It's a long, winding and difficult journey, but there is hope.