My Father Is Minipulative And Controling

My mom's baby daddy text me on Thanksgiving. I only returned his text because I felt obligated due to the holidays. He went crazy and started texing me incoherent abusive text messages. I cried at work, the next day he called my mom and told her I was in the hospitial (even though I wasn't), he continued to harrass me knowing I don't want to talk to him. I was trying to set boundaries because I was having panic attacks on the days I would talk to him. So I was trying to text him only a couple times a weeks on the days I had energy to deal with him. He threatend me,my mother my (ex) step-mom all in a week. I lied and told him I was moving out of town so he didn't know where I was living and working because I was afraid he would harrass me at work and I would lose my job. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept waking up. This is the second expolision in two weeks. I know if I allow him to be in my life I'm no longer a target I'm a willing participant in his abuse because I have the power to walk away now and I have all the legitmate reasons why. That being said it's not my fault he's abusive no matter what happened to him it was his adult responsibility to change that pattern just like it's my adult responsiblity to not act like a victim. So today I'm going to have to confront him and ask him to leave me alone. He's so minipulative that he will fake getting sick in order to try to get my attention. That which is feared can not be loved and that which is loved can not be feared. I don't want it to be this way but by walking away I'm showing him his behavior won't work and he'll have to change (which probably won't happen, but at least I know I did everything within my power to have a healthy relationship and it was his choice to be abusive.
Even though I have most of the knowledge to feel validated some days are hard. I still feel conflicted; however, when I read the text he sent me and the emails my mother sent regaurding his abuse it helps to ease the (inappropriate) guilt. By definition he abandoned me and he no longer hold the rights or authority as a father, but that still does little to dissolve the attachement and the hope.  Moreover, my aunt played an active role in cementing the attachement and blaming me for his last drinking relapse.  I have helped him finaicailly to be able to be independent what he does now is his choice and the result of all his previous decisions.
Dawn913 Dawn913
26-30, F
Nov 26, 2012