When He Loses Control

Whenever my dad is home I feel like I am walking on eggshells - never certain what kind of mood he's in. Most of the time he's great and is very entertaining to be around, but about once every two-three months he loses it. He gets angry and does something crazy. For example he'll drive off with my sister's homework (which she actually loves), throw her clothes out on the deck, or drive wrecklessly and tell anyone who tries to calm him down to shut up. The hardest part for me though is the uncertainty. I never can tell when my dad will lose it, so I have to be cautious constantly. Even just hearing his side of the garage door opening causes my heart to race. I wish I could get away from him, but I'm a minor and depend on him financially/legally. It is good to know that I am not alone even if sometimes it feels that way.
Sugarcookiesundae Sugarcookiesundae
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

That is exactly... what happens to me... i am 12 years old and i have 3 siblings.... every time he walks in the door.... i change... my heart races and i immediately change into a person who has to be someone they are not. and now.... he makes me study math with him every day... i get scared because I am not really good in math so every time i sit down with him... i wish i could just disappear... He screams when he loses it and takes his anger out on us... not hitting but threatening and pulling me up by my collar and saying scary things.. i am scared of my own father... i dont want to be scared anymore... i dont want to change for him.... because i didn't do anything wrong... i want him to change... i want him to say i love you to his family... he never does... i want him to hug us and tell us he is proud of us... never. It breaks my heart to see people with their dads making jokes and hugging each other when i am just awkwardly thinking "Why don't I have that"