I Am Capable of Doing Great and Horrible Things.

It takes a lot of my energy to restrain myself from doing what I naturally feel like doing.  I don't want to hurt anyone, but I want to do things that, because of what they are, are very very hurtful.  I find myself often mentally exhausting my superego.  I ask so much of it.  My ego isn't any stronger than average, but its desires are quite abnormal, and require diligent "checking".  I am capable of doing good things, but my tendency to fantasize about doing abysmal things scares me to the point of breaking down.

Mistake Mistake
26-30, M
5 Responses Dec 17, 2008

UPDATE: I am not as scared of myself as I used to be when I wrote this. I fear myself less now because I know myself more now. I trust myself. My self-control is only strengthening itself. I am not a threat to anyone.

I am glad you found strenght to keep yourself together.

i know what you mean. i hate it.

You could possibly have OCD but are you disturbed by your thoughts at all?

I feel you.

Please for your ownsake go see a professional before something does happen. What your sharing sounds very serious.