Phobia, I Think.

I’m petrified of needles. They are my biggest fear. I hate them. For medical reasons, I have to have a shot every two weeks, and every time, I have a full-blown panic attack. I’ve started crying during the shots, I’m that terrified. My friend gives them to me, and every time, I start screaming that I hate him, I don’t trust him, and I threaten him to try and get him to back off. The only way I can get through it is if his wife is there, holding my hand and talking to me to keep my calm.

In the hospital, I fight the doctors and nurses and argue with them about the I.V. and stuff. When the I.V. is actually in, I can stand it for an hour at most before I start screaming and flipping out. I’ve tried to explain my fear to the doctors (who don’t appreciate my hysterics), but they brush it off as a discomfort. It’s not a discomfort. It’s full blown terror.

I still remember my first experience when I consciously recognized a needle. I forget how old I was, but I was pretty young. Maybe three? Anyways, this nurse came in and put the needle in front of me. I guess she thought that I wouldn’t know what one was, and by all technicalities, I shouldn’t have. But I did and I started screaming and crying and fighting. It took my mom and another nurse to hold me down for the shot.

I hate needles. With a passion. I don’t know why. Prior to the incident above, I have no memory of needles, and I was terrified of them back then, obviously… It’s definitely a phobia. If anyone has seen Saw II, remember that scene with the needles? Yeah, that scene scared me more than any other scene in any other horror movie I’ve ever watched.