Relationship-less Most Of My Life

I can say that I have never had any long lasting relationships. And the ones that I did have never amounted to much of anything. Or they were very crazy. Most of the people in my family except my oldest brother have been childless and marriage-less. It seems to be something that has run in our family. One of the reasonings for my self at least, has been not to recreate my family of origin. I think as a child I secretly vowed to my self not to ever put myself in that situation. So sex has been very few and far between which is a bonding experience I have ever truly had. In so few words I am a virgin and 53 years old.
I have gone through a lot of soul searching not really understanding it. I have gone through therapy to no avail. Even thinking I was transgendered. really looking deep down to try and solve this issue. One of my goals of getting a degree was to be able to make enough money to eventually have a family. I have been through recovery working the 12 steps and staying off of drugs and alcohol( have over 3 years clean) with nothing seeming to make a difference. I have gone to church and become an active member and a generous giver. Thinking that the healing power of Christ would avail me some recourse. I have prayed and prayed. Hoping the God would bring me the answers or that the right person would come into my life that would be there for me and listen to me.
I am not sure.
rmclin rmclin
51-55, M
Aug 19, 2011