Chained To The Past

It's taken a lot to write this as I fear it sounds like an episode of a soap opera.

I was sexually abused by a family friend as a child and in short, it blurred my idea of myself as I was told I was ugly, worthless and other soul destroying things.

As a result, I ended up nervous with letting men close to me and though I dated, I didn't have sex until 21. The guy turned out to be a liar and manipulator and looking back if baffles he how HE fooled me. Next I was with a guy who was mentally abusive and who, after that grip on me faded, began with violence.

It took time to try again and he was wonderful...until I found out he cheated.

I'm now with a great guy but I live in fear. I'm 29 and feel confused why he loves me. He says I'm beautiful and the best thing in his life, but I don't see this. My insecurities are eating away and our sex life dwindling - he says he is nervous to touch me and I feel he just doesn't fancy me. Circle.

I want marriage a d kids but I worry I'm not suited to relationships as I feel too scared to let the good guys in.

I feel my dreams fading. When is it my turn for a normal life?
Circle1982 Circle1982
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

you should not let the past define who you are. i honestly am chained to the past but the best thing you have to do is let the past not get to you because you cant help that things happened to you like that.