So Confused About Relationships

So I have such a bizarre situation, and I am hoping someone has some advice, or at least can commiserate.

My issue is this: Everytime time I am in a relationship, I am filled with doubts about the future, do I like them enough, is there a perfect match for me that I am missing out on by being in this relationship?  I go back and forth in my head to the point of extreme anxiety and depression.  I've already called off a wedding to a man I was with for 3 1/2 years.  I thought that HE was the problem, but I've had similiar feelings, crippling and anxiety and depression, with the last two guys. 

Currently I'm dating a guy (long distance btw) that is really great.  He's smart, very cute, and treats me so well.  I should be so excited right? Instead I search for reasons for call it off- since there are no big things, I let the most random things, like his posture, start to annoy me.  I get so ANXIOUS because I worry, what if I don't fall in love with him, and then I hurt him like I hurt my ex?  He doesn't deserve that!  I feel paralyzed and at the worst moments just want to break up with him to make it easier.  But we have a lot of values and goals in common and it is so hard to find someone who you connect with like that.  I feel selfish for moving forward when I'm not sure my feelings will develop in a way where we'll end up happily ever after. 

I want to learn how to STOP MY HEAD and open myself up to falling in love.  I know that I had many many hurtful events happen in my teenage years, including one boyfriend dying, and being mistreated by another one very badly and so I wonder if this contributes to my issues now?

Do you think that when something is truly "right", you don't do this? That you just know that they are "the one"? Maybe none of the guys I've been dating are right?  I think I want perfection or something, even though I know it doesn't exist.  Any thoughts? Does anyone else do this? It makes me SO DEPRESSED.


emmie25 emmie25
2 Responses Mar 24, 2009

i'm scared too. i haven't had much luck lately. don't know what to expect, things can change so fast no1 has control over it & no1 can see it coming. i allmost expect things to go wrong. neways i have given up hope. read my dream about being on the boat, it might explain things a bit.

try to give him a chance to get to know you ,and you may have have bad boyfriends in the past .but they are not all the same.