No Words Strong Enough to Describe My Archnophobia

I have never liked bugs, and especially spiders.  When I was a little girl, growing up in CA.  I was always wary of spiders because of the prevalence of Black Widows...that wariness grew into a bigger fear after trying to go into our shed and seeing an entire wall of solid spiders and webs....just like a horror movie...

 

But then...

My mom and I got into a fight...I was about 14...we were in the hall and she had her arms over my shoulders, hands pinning me to the hall, screaming in my face...spittle flying with the insults...I looked over her shoulder to try and distract myself from the painful onslaught...

and there it was...

A spider was on the other side of the hall behind her.  My eyes got big and I pointed over her shoulder at it.

She turned to look and her face became even more enraged.

"You ******* *****- you think this spider is more important than what I have to say?"  She turned back to me...a hair away from my face, her voice whispered, "DON'T MOVE."  She went into the bathroom and I could hear her getting some toilet paper, and I thought, "Thank goodness, she's going to kill it!"

She returned and used the paper to carefully pick the spider off the wall without squishing it entirely, just holding it between her fingers and the toilet paper....

She put one arm back over my shoulder and moved the hand with the spider closer and closer to my face. 

I squealed and trembled, and the tears began in full course down my face.  I closed my eyes, vibrating against the wall.  I felt the toilet paper near my lips, and I scooted backwards down the hall wall towards the bathroom, inching along,sliding my back against the wall, praying my movements were subtle enough to escape her notice...

but of course they weren't.

"Where do you think you are going, little *****?  This spider is so important to you, OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT IT!"

I couldn't disobey, I had to open my eyes.  The spider was so in my face, I couldn't breathe.

I glanced up into her eyes, thinking, "How can you do this, please don't do this!"  My mind racing desperately.

Then "Flight" took over, and my body slid down the wall hard and fast, backing away from her and that thing....

But she followed...as always...menacing, looming...controlling....terrifying...

I had backed up so fast that I didn't realize I had made it to the bathroom.  My back no longer had a wall to hold it up and my body lurched into the bathroom.  Now that my eyes were open, I couldn't take them off her and that THING.

She continued forward pressing it closer to me, closer to my face, and began whispering, turning the volume up and up, until she was screaming inside my head, "YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THIS SPIDER, AND WHEN YOU CRUNCH ITS LITTLE BODY, IT WILL SCREAM IN DEATH AND ALERT ALL ITS RELATIVES TO THE FACT THAT YOU KILLED IT, AND THEY WILL AAAAALLLLLLLL COME AFTER YOU!" 

Her face had contorted into a hideous smile of perverse pleasure in my terror...and then I fell over backwards into the bathtub....mercifully blacking out.....

 

 

1froggirl 1froggirl
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 17, 2009

well spiders r slimy creatures and when the crawl they get on my nerves

Thank you for your sympathy...this is one of many incidents I would love to have erased from my memory...

Jesus, that's just about the worst thing I've ever heard. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

that's an excellent question. i'm very sorry you had to go through that. there's no excuse for it.

How could a mother do that to her child?