excuse me for not using proper grammar and punctuation. i just don't have the patience for it right now.
so...i'm terrified of turning 30. i became the ripe 'ol age on 29 a few months ago, and since then, i have made myself feel lost, melodramatic, hopeless, resentful, scared, regretful...feel free to add to my negativity.
i'm healthy (well, i was at my last physical) and i have a husband and stepson who love me. not to mention a dog that acts like i hung the moon. then why...why, why, why am i acting like a jackass?!
i'm worried i got married too young. i'm scared i'll never have the time to learn the piano now, because soon i'll have to birth a child. i resent that i never traveled. i regret that i filled the time from 18-28 with lots and lots of work. what was all that work for? i'm not better off professionally. actually, i've disliked almost every job. the only one, i've ever genuinely liked, sucked because the work environment was really corrupt. i'm fat. i've always been chubby. always. maybe some people were meant to be. i eat well, but can't find the motivation to really workout. i know, if you don't like it...do something about it. believe me, i know. i'm disgusted with my attitude.
i just need to get out of this rut. and speaking of rut, did i mention my new obsession? yeah, so apparently, my life isn't exciting enough or fulfilling enough, because i've found something to lose myself in...vampire literature. um, yeah...i said it outloud. i love the sookie stackhouse series (ever since i watched the true blood series) and i've even (pathetically enough) read the twilight series. i'm embarassed to say, that i'm a little in love with a character i've read about. i love reading now. reading and dreaming. they're the only escape i can afford...
how do i get out of the "oh no, i'm 29...where did the time go...i'm one step closer to death and one step closer to shopping with a small basket at the grocery store, during a weekday where i'll only purchase 2 apples, a pint of milk, 1 can of tuna, a 1/2 carton of eggs, and 2 tv dinners" rut?!
please tell me my bad mood will pass, cause right now...i think i'll spend my thirtieth bday crawled into a ball, crying the night away...