To It's Knees.

sometimes i feel if i let everyone see  me, know my unholies, it would bring the world to a point of collapse. stockmarkets would crumble, governments would fall out of power, grandma would stop going to bingo and 2 year olds would be afforded as much chocolate as they could devour.

you think that this is all of me there is? i wish that simplicity for myself. my mind contains secret hollows and chambers, some of torture, others of pleasure. ones of extreme guilt, others the most intense love. so busy lying to hide my faults that i often forget who i was trying to be.

i am like that midschool kid- the one eveyone one knows about that is a cowgirl one day a rapper the next, a goth, a jock, a stoner. i'm all of it. i am scared of who i really am. ashamed of what i have the potential to be. punished by myself for others, because they might not like the person inside. i have more fronts and covers than the library of congress. i have more barriers and walls than china.

what makes me so afraid. i am not really the monster i created inside of myself, why do i feel i am the unravling of humanity?

lostcancerian lostcancerian
36-40, F
3 Responses May 5, 2007

You are waxing poetic here with all of your doubts and personal fear.<br />
Most of us have these doubts and fears when socializing with our peers.

I love ya babe but I think you missing something on this one.<br />
<br />
Who you see is who you are. The only reason you can narrow down traits is because there are names for them.<br />
<br />
Cow Girl: A strong willed women filled with pride and commitment. Rapper: A lyrical soul who can put emotions into words. Gothic: Someone who sees the cultured side of life and can experience it for what it is. Jock: A healthy and Driven soul who sets goals to achieve them not let them slide by. Stoner: A person that has fallen inline with their own history. Since the start of time people have experienced what you considered being a stoner.<br />
<br />
All I see in you is good. So wheres the problem. :)

I am thinking of a song by I think Meredith Brooks from that movie with Mel Gibson what women want. Its called *****. Have you heard it? It was real popular a few years ago. I love that song. If you get a chance listen to the lyrics and be proud of who you are the good and the bad.