I'm Scared To Love Him...

OK so i don't have a great past with my previous relationships my first relationship the guy took my virginity and got married to someone else it took me a year to get over the guy then i met another guy he was looking for an old class mate of mines and we ended up being friends we would chat for hours on end and then i started liking him i thought if i pushed him away the feelings i had for this guy would go away but it just got worse i could't live without knowing how he was i missed him every time i did't talk to him or he was busy my phone would remain on charge continuously i was to scared of missing his messages  eventually i met him he went down on his knees and asked me to be his girlfriend i said yes without a second thought our dates where always nice he treated me like a true princess.

Eventually i had to take him home to see my family because my family did't like the idea of me going alone with someone they did't know they did't like him they judged him and never agreed to the fact that he was a Muslim it took me a while but i convinced them that i wan't leaving him i thought he loved me he decided i should meet his parents I'm not the social type but i tried to seem confident and comfortable around strangers the mum said that i was rude for bringing my sister i felt bad because none of my family members wanted us to be together it hurt to see my own family hate me so much eventually it became so tensed with our relationship i spent more time defending my relationship with him than really having one i used to have these days where i would just like to run away from home and find a place where its just him and i he would get angry at me because i wasn't trying with his parents i would scream at him for not trying with my family eventually he lost it with me one day and screamed at me it was the first day he got so angry with me i remember the way he grabbed my hair and pulled it the way he tore my uniform the way he poured the can of coke on my head and tore my handbag broke my phone i was scared to death because i didn't know this guy i never knew he could get so violent he was always so kind to me he treated me like a princess said he would never hurt me but the day he called me a ***** in front of his mum is the day i would never forget ,but i loved this guy and i let everything he did to go i wanted to be with him so badly i ended up falling pregnant and i wanted to tell him but i wanted to give him the best Christmas present ever and that was the news of me having his baby i thought he would be excited but he left again he didn't bother about me i was going to have this baby alone.

I woke up 1 morning and i bled it was a miscarriage the doctor said it was stress i couldn't believe it i lost my baby and the love of my life i went into depression mode i never informed him until new years eve i know that was spiteful of me but i did it either way just so that i could start the new year fresh he was so angry i told him i blamed him for the loss of our baby and i will never forgive him he said i was murderer and i said so you think he never went through anything i did it on my own we ended up apologizing and getting back together but he did it to get back at me he slept with me and then rejected me in front of my parents.

Its 5 months later and i finally realized i cant undo my past but i can turn to a new chapter in my life i realized that i should take the blame for whatever hurt i caused him in the 2 years that i knew him yeah he would get jealous if another guy looked at me or if i looked pretty for him but it was for him only but he never appreciated what i offered and i never appreciated the love that he gave me i wanted more and he just couldn't offer that to me. I found a new guy now and his really good to me but I'm scared to love again i mean will he also make promises and break them just like my past boyfriends i dint think i can handle another heart break but this guy just seems to have caught my attention his not afraid to be himself around me we like the same things well almost we born on the same day i wonder if this is a sign but can i trust him with my heart? 
18-21, F
2 Responses May 8, 2012

Wow,the last one's so sweet,maybe just take your time and reason what you want,and this time don't let any guy mess with you,show him you are so in love with yourself that no one must come to hurt you anymore,never forget to be natural and be yourself never show him you love him,pretend like you like him like a friend and he will show how intensely he loves you,he will do everytn to make you see he loves you,which really matters..and then you will know if he's the right guy and you will feel the happiness within,you will be both feel the chemistry,we are meant to be loved and not be treated like trash..we deserve to be happy and not to be used like some trashy bins,,trust me if you follow that procedure..thank me later#kisses <3

I am sorry about your past relationship, the pain you felt from trusting someone and they hurt you very much and mostly for the pain you felt when you lost your baby. I know nothing just happens, all things happens for a reason. Thank God you found out about that guy, he did not deserve you. But please pray ask God to ease that pain, to find forgiveness in your heart for what your ex did, but do not let your past control your future. It is not fair to you. You did nothing wrong, it was your ex who had issues and you have to first know this and put this behind you, and when you do, you will be free to love again. It is okay to try again, take your time just enjoy it and if it is right, if it is good to you, good for you, then it is for you. Love is worth taking another chance at, but please let go of the past. It is just what it is the past, Move forward and be happy.