I Try to Hide It.
I do. I try to hide the fact that I'm secretly scared behind a confident smile. Only those who truly see me for as I am can see the difference. Quite the illusionist to some I guess. I'm afraid that it's too good to be true. That I will find a way to ruin it. I say the wrong things. I take things the wrong way too. I'm afraid he will be like all the rest a wolf in sheep's clothing. Someone to use me, to take from me. I torture myself with my past trying to go straight ahead on into it only to be hurt again and I still keep trying. Thinking maybe someday someone will prove me wrong, love every part of me, find me perfect, however unlikely that is. I'm always secretly afraid I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, smart enough, etc. The list goes on. I know I'll never find it if I don't try but still I'm secretly terrified of myself of him who wants to get close to me.
I entertain such thoughts and I wonder if he's someone on line when would I ever really meet him, although I want to? I wonder if I do what will be the driving factor of me pushing him away or him not finding what he's looking for in me. I wonder if I meet him out what will be the thing that keeps him from asking me out.
There's so many la
Until then I just have to stickupforme.