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I Try to Hide It.

I do.  I try to hide the fact that I'm secretly scared behind a confident smile.  Only those who truly see me for as I am can see the difference.  Quite the illusionist to some I guess.  I'm afraid that it's too good to be true.  That I will find a way to ruin it.  I say the wrong things.  I take things the wrong way too.  I'm afraid he will be like all the rest a wolf in sheep's clothing.  Someone to use me, to take from me.  I torture myself with my past trying to go straight ahead on into it only to be hurt again and I still keep trying.  Thinking maybe someday someone will prove me wrong, love every part of me, find me perfect, however unlikely that is.  I'm always secretly afraid I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, smart enough, etc.  The list goes on.  I know I'll never find it if I don't try but still I'm secretly terrified of myself of him who wants to get close to me. 

I entertain such thoughts and I wonder if he's someone on line when would I ever really meet him, although I want to?  I wonder if I do what will be the driving factor of me pushing him away or him not finding what he's looking for in me.  I wonder if I meet him out what will be the thing that keeps him from asking me out. 

There's so many layers of who I am, insecurites and confidence live in one person.  Humor and sadness, strength and weaknesses, personality, and looks.  Who will find each one of these worth sticking around to see? 

Until then I just have to stickupforme. 

deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Sep 5, 2008

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Remove the insecurity in your sub-conscious mind and be confident of yourself. I guess the first thing you need to do is to start loving yourself. Make it a habit to keep saying "I love myself" at least 10 times in a day to start with, and later as many times as you can. I bet you will see a change in yourself in a month. Try it !!

Make a list of things you don't like about yourself and then for fun balance it out with the things you DO like about yourself, just so the exercise doesn't get you TOO down on yourself! Then prioritize the things you don't like in order of importance to you and work them in order. This kind of helps you get organized. Hope this helps :-)

Just be patient sweetie. It seems like when you try to hard it does not work out the way you want sometimes!<br />
Don't be so hard on yourself either! Remember you're special!! ;-)

Just make sure they accept you for who you are. You will find someone special!<br />
All of the things you are scared of are just normal. <br />
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We love you!!!! ;-)

but ya never can stay down dear!!! diamonds honey...diamonds...all have flaws to varying degrees ...everything does...but it takes a true person to see and appreciate those flaws as a part of who "you are"! it'll happen honey!!! your too damn great a lady for it not to! =) hang in there honey!

somebody who appreciates true beauty dear and one who knows without flaws there would never be perfection! =) <br />
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people say perfection is unattainable...i say it is already with all...without flaws you can never have true beauty...so classify them not as negatives, look at them like i do! <br />
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They are mere characther flaws which makes each on one of us uniquie! and if someone doesnt like my character flaws, well darling they can jsut kiss my ***! =) <br />
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Stop worrying too much honey!!! Relax....