I think the reason im soo hard on guys is because im afraid to get hurt .. as long as i keep myself a safe distance away im fine .. but when i fall i fall hard ... and its hard to end it and i dont just let it go im a very vindictive person . i dont know if thats ever gonna change . I would hope it will one day that i ll be able to trust again . but i dont know if it will happen or not .. I can only hope my guard will go down ... my therapist says im too independent . so i went from total codependency to being to independent . maybe one day ill change but who knows .