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Horribly.............

every nerve in my body is afraid..........anxious and right now i am not able to tale it all in my mind so spilling it out here, i am not sure why i am going through this phase of life and i am not able to determine why this soul purging has made its permanent abode in my heart................!!!
every day begin with a hope and by night in how many pieces that hope shattered is known to my heart only...........among those who love me most i am feeling lonely and abandoned...........!!!!i can not tell my maa..........i am in so much pain but she noticed the care and concern about something.............!!!! i wish somebody could just assure me it will be alright but i have to battle it out alone................this is the rule of the universe, you have to walk alone when you most want somebody to be there for you...........you must bear the fruit and consequences for your action..........!!!
other can leave you alone but how can you leave yourself..............is there a way to detach yourself and let your physical self suffer while your highly transgressed self float in a highly happy state......................sighhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
so here i am in my room..........you know it happens whenever i am going through the most hard time of my life........this room in my home became my friend, i don't know how many painful and tearful nights i have spend inside it.............
when during my ph.d's first year i left everything and came back............i used to lock myself in this room and nobody could see me save maa.........then i fell ill and i spent my entire recovery stay here and lots of silly arguments...........and again, here i am!!! standing at the most uncertain moment of my life............!!!!
hoping with all the might that it get well.........................but the chill of my bad thoughts and loneliness of this phase is breaking me bit by bit........i don't know what is keeping me sane..............i don't know how i am still hoping that things would be alright and everything would be okay.......!!!!!


destinygirl22 destinygirl22 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 31, 2012

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Snuffal, it pains me to see you suffer like this. I know you carry this burden, and whatever it is, is weighing you down. Remember that you have friends who love you, and are here for you, I for one. Whatever little comfort or solace I can give you, I am here whenever you need a friend. Love and hugsssss

I can relate... I'm just horrified of myself.. people... nothing... everything.. life. I wish it would go away and it does sometimes but always comes back... It's like a curse. But glad you have a hope! It's already a big step

i know you are and it comforts me a lot!! thanks for always being here.........!!

sooner or later........it will be fine......and u r not alone.....i m still alive.......